where have i been?

i was thinking tonight the last few things i have been posting have not been anything of great spiritual interest or profound, which is cool, but i am wondering if i have been losing touch with my *self* these past couple of days/weeks because of the different things going on in my life.

i mean, i attempt to keep before the foot of the Cross in all i worry about; i pray constantly, in perpetual conversation with my Father; i still attend daily mass, which is always wonderful, even if my mind does wander...but i feel lately, i am lacking focus. i feel tied up, knotted at times, and get frustrated with myself for my seemingly lacking prayer-filled soul - they are just words, circling, circling, sentences trailing off, until the attention deficit grabs ahold of the next thought and so it begins anew.

then i happened upon this post by my friend kalanna. she just (today?) posted about wanting to find perfect peace and holiness before the Blessed Sacrament and instead of berating herself for letting her mind wander, she allowed herself the freedom in Jesus to do so, in an act of emptying herself.

oh, how i wish i allowed myself such freedom! after reading her inspiring entry, methinks i may try it for myself tomorrow. and by so doing, perhaps leave behind in the church pew the ropes that so tighten my mind and my thoughts - finally released. thank you, Lord, for allowing me to find inspiration of this magnitude in a web log.

You always meet me right where i am.


Null said...

Your spiritual discipline is so admirable! I have none to be honest, and though I know it is something I need to change, I find discipline of any sort exhausting and intimidating, and I just don't do change or adjustments well.

~m2~ said...

oh liesa - that is what i lack at times is spiritual discipline! how i wish i had more and when i think i have more, that's when i totally screw up somewhere and fall flat on my face (you know the Scripture, if you think you are all that take heed lest you fall, poor paraphrase, but you get my drift...)

i think we are all okay and on the right path if we are at least seeking God's face. it's there, just as Jesus is there in every soul we meet. we were created for this, created for times like these - or more aptly penned by one of my fave bands, foo fighters:

it’s times like these you learn to live again
it’s times like these you give and give again
it’s times like these you learn to love again
it’s times like these time and time again

it's times like these, time and time again.

Julie D. said...

The Foo Fighters? Wow! You are a hard core head banger, mm ... I mean that only in the nicest way. We got one of their cds after using a song on Hannah's 8th grade "slide show" (you've seen Rose's I think), only to find out that the song we all loved so much was their "ballad". Rose was the only one who would listen more than a couple of times, that being the sort of music she is drawn to ...

~m2~ said...

foo fighters - only a few songs, but most i really do like (there is a whole other side to miss martha that not too many people know about. keeps me mighty inneresting huh?)

Julie D. said...

An enigma wrapped in a mystery ... :-)