next deadly sin on the list: anger

hmmm


i am usually pretty even. not really much of a blip on the radar, i handle things with aplomb.

except for last night. i posted the following in a comment last night and thought in order to move past it, i'd *thread* it instead; please be advised that much of this is tongue-in-cheek and dripping with sarcasm, but i am just writing about it so i can move past my anger (hopefully):

just had my *family* Easter dinner at my sister's. anyone remember my dysfunctional family poem about the Christmas lights?

*sigh*

i left feeling sick to my stomach about how my brother-in-law treats my sister - just the same way my step-father treated my mother. it made me physically sick. i now know what i grew up in is evil, i tend to get a "twist" in my stomach when something doesn't feel quite right, but this was an all-out sick to my stomach feeling in the midst of it all and i recognized immediately the only other time i felt that was was during my childhood. how's that for a nasty flashback? and knowing what i know now about that twist, i now know the Spirit of God was in me at a very early age; just didn't know what it all meant.

boy i do now and while i am thinking i need to pray hard for my sister, i need to really pray for my brother-in-law because of how sick he really is. only thing is, i am having a hard time moving past the anger i have for him at this moment enough to pray for him.

okay, i did the right thing this morning and went to confession and got great advice and felt *better* but not great.

what happened last night was this: my daughter sat on my younger niece's chair and broke it. she didn't mean to, was mortified, apologized profusely. i apologized on her behalf, offered to pay retribution, was assured it was "okay."

not okay.

we will call my brother-in-law *bil* which is much nicer than what i called him last night. bil got it in his head that the chair had to be fixed at that precise moment, which moment, i shall add, was when we were all sitting down to dinner.

my dutiful sister always prepares the man's plate. i am pretty sure he is incapable of making a selection for himself and that is why she is so kind to him and makes him feel like the king that he apparently thinks he is. well, the king didn't want to eat with the lowly peasants so she took him his dinner in the "other room" and was told to SHUT THE DOOR on her way out.

i was baffled. mystified. confused. had a look of consternation on my face, which is something i have a hard time hiding. "why won't the king be dining with us?" her reply "he has to diffuse." i said "what did i miss? did i miss something?" thinking he could not possibly be upset over the chair he found by the roadside in someone's trash two years ago, right? well it turns out i was wrong.

my blood pressure starts its ascent.

after a good 15 minutes, the announcement comes from the room that the king will be joining us for the traditional Easter egg hunt with the children, but first, must smoke a cigarette prior to doing so, so HALT the FESTIVITIES, THE KING IS JOINING US!!!

claps all around, glee and joy fill the kingdom, peace is on its way to being restored.

until it happened.

on the island in the center of the kitchen, the good queen accidentally knocked over a decorative sunflower (in front of the king) and the leaf broke off. now most people would be like "oh, i'll fix it after the egg hunt..." but not the good king. no, being noble as he is, he decided he was "mr. fixit man tonight...that's what i do, that's all i do is fix things around here," then started on my sister (the queen) as to why she had the now-broken decorative sunflower on the island in the first place, after he "told her to put it away, and (you) failed to listen?" this is being played out in front of my very eyes and ears. i said "hey KING? sweetie? why don't you wait until after we leave? we're going in a bit and you can take care of it then," to which the impervious king replied, "no, mere peasant girl. that would be my time..." ohhhhh. silly me. i thought this was *family time* but what did i know? by the way - this all played out in front of the children, too. real nice.

now most of you know me by now. i am pretty honest and straight-forward. king bil and i have a history that i won't get into here, but suffice it to say it isn't pretty and it's taken me some 10 years to get over exactly what i think about him and his kingly self and why. last night, however, he was the prince of all things unkind, and when he came back in and made the proclamation that said "sunflower is broken and can't be fixed" he proceeded to throw it in the trash, but not until he broke it into splinters over his knee to prove his point in dramatic fashion.

uh, bro? ever heard of superglue? works wonders. that and a little green paint, leaf is good to go.

as if that wasn't bad enough, he proceeded to berate my sister in front of all of us, treating her as though she were a child. i won't get explicit in details here, but he started accusing her of ruining his Palm Sunday and how come the kids couldn't wait for him to finish before opening their Easter eggs and on an on, literally ad nauseum because i almost threw up. he made me physically sick.

i looked at my real-life prince and said "we need to go home. now." and he didn't hesitate to get out of there either.

so where does my anger come into play? not until i got into the car. i spewed forth more venom from these holy lips than i cared to recount to monsignor in confession this morning. i wanted to save my sister the embarassment of having to tell me i was no longer welcomed in her home because if i let it loose in there, there would have been no turning back and i may have even pummeled him into a fine pulp.

a mash, as it were.

it doesn't stop here.

i found out today that the dreaded sunflower he made such a point to dismember to the point of disrepair? it was a gift a colleague gave my sister. the colleague was diagnosed with cancer and every day she was undergoing treatment, my sister would write her notes and cards and bring by soup or snacks - without fail, every single day - and she was this lady's *sunflower* and the gift was from her as a token of her appreciation.

so where my bil told my sister through clenched teeth last night "don't even think about replacing this..." oh, but i don't think she can, my good man.

and the saddest thing is, i have to pray for him. oh, i am stepping up the prayers for my sister because i fear if she is being verbally abused to this extent, he must be pushing her around. please correct me if i am wrong if the two don't eventually go hand in hand.

but i am still good and mad. i have a good burn going on and as much as i am resentful of the fact that i have to pray for him, i know i must. it's hard to hate someone you are praying for...and admittedly, i have not one ounce of anything for this man that is even remotely positive.

so there you go. your *sin for the day*

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