oy. i've been tagged.

i've been tagged by lowell of o tempora, o mores! with a meme i've seen floating around for a while and silently prayed "nobody, pick me!" - i will forgive him this time ;) and i still have a tag to respond to from steven who has forgotten, probably.

until now.

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The game consists of answering five questions and then tagging three blogger friends to answer five questions. I can also add three categories.

The questions are: "If I could be a scientist...If I could be a farmer...If I could be a musician...If I could be a doctor...If I could be a painter...If I could be a gardener...If I could be a missionary...If I could be a chef...If I could be an architect...If I could be a linguist...If I could be a psychologist...If I could be a librarian...If I could be an athlete...If I could be a lawyer...If I could be an inn-keeper...If I could be a professor...If I could be a writer...If I could be a llama-rider...If I could be a bonnie pirate...If I could be an astronaut...If I could be a world famous blogger...If I could be a justice on any one court in the world...If I could be married to any current famous political figure...If I could be an Office Supply Salesman...If I could be a Dog-show judge...If I could be a Coal Miner...if i could be a baker...if i could be a comedian...if i could be a monk.

if i could be a painter, i'd use watercolors and just sit back and totally express myself through my art. then, of course, i'd fly into a huge rage once i discovered i was out of slate blue, throwing my palate of paints across the room and taking my unfinished painting and smashing it across my knee to further express my angsty-artsy self.

oh wait. that was what my ex-husband did often. sorry.

if i could be a monk, i'd hang out at the monastery after cooking for my fellow monks (for some reason, i'd probably be assigned kitchen duty, cleaning stovetops and waxing philosophical all the while) and read the original transcripts of the writings by my brother thomas merton. then i'd commune with nature after reciting the office and try my hand at centering prayer. then i'd fall asleep on my cot in my room with my single candle and my one-drawered hutch for my nominal possessions.

if i was a chef/baker, i'd feed hungry people and make them feel comfortable in my restaurant. and then, if they didn't have any money to pay, i'd instruct the servers to *stab the dupe* up on the corkboard and they could come back to pay when they had the money. and i'd probably donate services to the homeless shelter and would probably hire someone to work for me from the shelter's work readiness program...then i'd compose menu items that were named after my children and nieces and nephews, and come up with clever names for specials and be on television and have my own cooking show (no live audience though, i'm not there to impress) and i'd teach everyone how to make authentic key lime pie and then i'd get up at 4:00 a.m. to bake real brownies from scratch for my daughter's 6th grade class that she told me were due at 10:45 the previous night.

if i was a real chef/baker, that's what i'd do.

if i could be a comedian, i'd do stand-up in a smoky bar, leaning against my bar stool with my mr. microphone in hand, telling clean jokes with no curse words. then i'd probably draft a routine that had scriptural references and show people that God truly does have a sense of humor.

then i'd hear my husband would clapping above the sound of the crickets chirping and i'd sweep up for the night and go home.

if i was a world-famous blogger, i'd try to be as authentic on my blog as i am in real life. thank God i am not famous and can simply continue in my ruse as an oftentimes mortified worrier. phew.

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so this is where i am supposed to tag three people, so i am going for three i don't think have answered this particular meme yet... carolyn, jane, and philothea, who i just noticed tagged me on another question entirely!! yikes!!

i'll answer that later rose, i promise :)