text-messaging Jesus

this morning didn't start off so well.

max is on week four of needing a ride to school. well, that's not entirely true - he got a ride yesterday from our neighbor, but the walk from the car to the school itself is about two blocks and then the miles of hallway made it impossible to finish out the day on one crutch, so i got the call to bring the other one to school and by the time i did, was informed he was being pushed around in his wheelchair because his ankle hurt.

he just had surgery less than four weeks ago. his ankle should still hurt, right?

so why did i bitch at the fact i had to drive him into school today? why?

because i woke up late?

because i am so overwhelmed lately all i want to do is sleep?

because molly needs p.t. for her knee and labwork and i am not able to schedule any of it yet because of work constraints and having no time?

because my housework and gardening is being neglected because i have no energy to do anything?

because i am frustrated that max can't walk without the use of crutches?

because he has to go for a third opinion when the second opinion recommending re-excision should have been good enough and it would all be done by now and he'd be recovering?

while this list makes for a good rant, none of it adds up to being a *good excuse* for my behavior.

so i cried all the way home from the high school because instead of me walking him to get his chair he said, "i'm using my crutches today mom - put my backpack on my back, please. i'll be okay."

you probably know what happened next. i started backpedaling from my routine of the previous ten minutes.

*sigh*

he took my grumbling and complaining with the humility of someone who has been through a lot himself and is tired himself. why can't we see that it isn't all about us when we are in the throes of a rant?

i just got off the phone with my husband and he reminded me i forgot to do something for work that i have no time to do now and it was to be done by today. fresh hot tears, down the cheeks.

*sigh*

since i couldn't call max to tell him i was sorry, i text-messaged him on his cell phone apologizing in words he can understand - "i am sorry i was such a biotch. i know u r trying hard and i am proud of u."

he said "u no biotch. thank u."

to the least of these.