what process are you in?

hello, my name is *restart* and this is my fifth attempt at weight watchers in the last year...

*hello, restart!!*

i sat back down, they knew full well my name was penni, but in order to deflect attention away from the fact that i have tried this diet four or five times in the past year or so, i thought i'd invent a clever name and worm my way into people's hearts by my humor and not my pants size.

it worked, sort of. truth is, i didn't wish to feel judged when i was asked if i'd ever been to weight watchers before.

two things i find interesting at these meetings: when the people "share" a story about a 'very heavy person,' there is much tongue-clicking and head nodding like "oh, yes - but i'm not that f-a-t," they all reassure themselves...

secondly, for those who have reached their "goal" weight, the applause is lighter than those who say they are restarting for the fifth time. i don't know about you, but i felt tremendously happy for the young mom who proclaimed her 42 pounds *gone forever*!

isn't this the way with everything, though?

you hear about someone who is in a *deep, heavy sin* like that of adultery or addiction and think "oh, i am so glad that isn't me because i would certainly never commit an egregious sin like that (or be gluttonous, either, by the way)...or if someone has acquired something good for themselves, when we should be happy for them, we instead feel a little bit sorry for ourselves instead and therefore, in lieu of sharing in their happy moment, we've turned it into something about us and not them.

truth be told - we have no clue, nor is it any of our business -- let me repeat and bold that last line - nor is it any of our business how big anyone is, how heavy they are or are not, how good others have it, how badly someone is in sin, how blessed we are (when we are truly broken) because we haven't a clue as to where someone is in their process of becoming who they are, either in the physical sense or in the spiritual sense.

that person you see wedged in a chair (one of the stories one lady related this past weekend) - that person may have already lost 50 pounds and is apologising to the person next to her for getting stuck, but is on her way to never being stuck again...that person who lost all that weight? battled bulimia and has conquered it and can actually have a meal and keep it down, which would, to me and any other person who has a weight problem of any sort, not only deserve applause, but garner a standing ovation.

that person in deep sin, locked in their addiction? have you any idea how hard they are struggling to pull themselves out of the pit? hours of prayer, supplication, being on their face before God -- have you any idea?

we are all in our own processes and while it should be the first thing we remember when we see someone we'd most likely judge, it's the first thing that slips our minds...