or i use it in an effort to deflect praise.
or sometimes, even, kindness.
is that how God wants me to be? would i want people to mock and put-down Jesus? make fun of His abilities or talents or say He could stand to lose a few pounds lest He not fit on His chair to type this thread? (just as an example :)
if i am made in His image and His likeness - and the Bible says i am and i believe that to be truth - then why don't i just knock it off, already?
last week at our RCIA class, we were discussing Scripture and in Luke 12:
Do you suppose that I came to give peace on earth? I tell you, not at all, but rather division. For from now on five in one house will be divided: three against two, and two against three. Father will be divided against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law.”in sharing about this Scripture, i told that because i come from a dysfunctional family (but one that is moving toward healing), there are times when i walk into the room and they react as if i am carrying my bible, wearing a tunic and apostle shoes. for whatever reason, one of my students (who is a high school sophomore who is a smart cookie, advanced classes, et cetera, just to give you a little background), decided that i was *bashing* myself. i really was not. i said, "not the day to make those comments, bry..." and it stopped, but only momentarily.
the topic moved to Christmas trees (it is verrry easy to get off-topic in this class around Christmas time; we are there to help maintain their focus, but it's one of those times of year where even the shy ones are willing to share a story or two, so we have a lot of lee-way...) one of the other instructors started talking about getting his "real Christmas tree, not one of those *fake* ones," accompanied by an appropriate eye-roll. i said "we have an artificial tree because of all the asthmatics in my family," whereupon i was told it was still *fake* and not *real* and i said "it's real to us!" and they wouldn't let up, which is no big deal, but it was right before we took a 5 minute break and i said to my other instructor "you can stop. now." i don't get serious like that very often, but when i do, it is really a good thing to stop whatever it is because i am at *that* point where the irish gets up and i have a hard time putting her back in...
he said "well, you are always the one who is so self-effacing," whereupon bryan took it upon himself and added, "can we come back after the break and bash penni some more?"
i have to tell you, i was crushed. it has stayed with me all week and tonight's class, i am actually happy i have to beg off from because i am only now getting my voice back and am unable to actively participate in a two-hour class. i am uncertain if i could sit for that long, truthfully.
perhaps i do the mocking of myself too much and now this is the result? thing is, even if i stop, how do i get others to stop -- it's one thing if i am "laughing along with them," but last wednesday, i was not laughing. i ended up leaving there wounded (i've been wounded a lot in this past week and God hasn't shown me exactly why yet) - is it pride?
what makes us feel like we are so unlovable? isn't that why we put ourselves down?
or is it a way to show ourselves as being humble? this is: humble; would the mocking of ourselves and the put-downs be the appropriate way of going about, showing our humility?
is that what God would want from us? i think all of the things i have been struggling with lately are really inter-related and maybe it is all happening now for a reason; i am just not at a place where i am thinking very clearly and would love your insights, as always.
by the way - i was not the person chosen for best comments, but i am sure the gal who won was worthy of said prize :) however: i still feel like my blog brings out some of the best comments i have seen anywhere on the internet, and being as i just *put it out there*, it is really a compliment to you, my friends and readers (and lurkers who only email me privately :)