pondering

Photographer: Special Photographers

hard to put into words my day one experience, but i will try. it may be a bit rambling, but that's how it all feels in my head; like it is one big mosh pit.

i am assigned to trail someone on the maternity floor - post-partum mamas, infants. i was relatively quiet because i am soaking it all in. most of what i did was administrative, but took vital signs and changed bedding. after having had my pca training last week, i was disappointed in the fact that other than vitals, i had limited patient contact. one of the girls said "that's because our patients aren't sick - they delivered babies!" true. made me wonder a bit if i was in the right place.

bear with me.

personalities of the staff are scattered. some are aloof, some are very chatty, some surf the internet in their spare time (i cannot believe there is spare time!) this apparently is the floor everyone likes to come to because there is so much down time compared to labor & delivery.

think about this: type-A personality of yours truly folding and refolding her census paper because there was not much to do, and this was supposed to be a busy day.

*sigh*

i can only do so much because i don't have computer access yet - should be up by tuesday which is when i work again. i understand it is very busy on labor & delivery, but i have about six weeks here before getting to that floor because they orient one person on the same floor, six weeks at a time.

*sigh*

i want to feel helpful. i felt as though i was in the way. i want to feel necessary, not question if i am needed at all.

i am wondering if i am to be on another floor altogether? i love babies, don't get me wrong, but i wonder if the hospital is where God wanted me, and this was the avenue i was to get here by? i always said i wanted to help deliver babies or work with end-stage AIDS patients...entries or exits?

thank you all for your wonderful thoughts and prayers yesterday. i believe they sustained me in between the folds :)

two highlights on the day yesterday: i helped dress an infant for his first visit with mama & family (precious!)...witnessed a very tender moment between a husband and wife who was in premature labor the day before (we get them for a day or two after their contractions have subsided so we can monitor them) when she was on the phone and he simply knelt in front of her and put his head to her belly...