do you want to be well?

my friend, A, had an insightful post on those things we don't like to be told of or speak of in polite company: On Human Bondage/Brokenness, Self-Deception, Forgetfulness, Truth-Telling...or, The First Dose of the Medicine You Need.

A relates:

The first important thing is that I need someone who will tell me the plain, unvarnished truth about myself. The second important thing is that I need to listen. The third important thing is having listened, to repent, that is, to change my way of thinking and to turn and go in a different direction. When I am headed for destruction, the most "loving" thing this person, this truth-teller can do is to get in my face...and do it because they love me....

initially, it does not feel quite so loving when someone does that. it feels painful and stinging. what we initially do is back up and begin to defend ourselves against the onslaught of allegations; however, the more defensive we get at times could mean there is a scintilla of truth to what is being said about us; perhaps we (a) do not care for the delivery, or (b) do not care for the messenger. i always tend to analyze what is being said and take it to heart. however, i will refute what is being said if i do not agree with what the person is declaring to be truth. most times, however, i recognize the need to change and humbly thank the truth-teller for his or her honesty.

it is an amazing thing, this transparency. it is even more amazing when we speak of our brokenness and our desire to continuously return to our old ways, our old habits -- monsignor spoke of being transformed today -- oh, how i desire that!! do we not all desire that?

It is true that "my old ways" are constantly at war with the life of God and the work of the Holy Spirit in me? Anybody else? Romans 7:21-24.

what are we so afraid of that we continuously turn back to the things that hold us back? to me, it is almost an addiction in us to go back to that old place, that place of our (not necessarily) comfort zone, but *familiar* zone -- we are not comfortable in the anguish, the grief of that *thing*, yet it is familiar and we are drawn back to it like a moth to a flame. why are we so drawn?

one of my favorite verses that i believe speaks to this issue is from John 5:1-17, but in pertinent part, verses 6-9:

When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had been ill for a long time, he said to him, "Do you want to be well?" The sick man answered him, "Sir, I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up; while I am on my way, someone else gets down there before me."

Jesus said to him, "Rise, take up your mat, and walk."

Immediately the man became well, took up his mat, and walked.

do we not all wish to take up our mats?

be well?

rise and walk?

so if we are walking, why do we always turn back to see what we are missing?

what are you missing?