a woman of prayer

i scrubbed in for three C-sections yesterday - the first one, the doctor was impatient, his assistant was running late, he was testing for *readiness* on the patient before everything was set up so i had to hustle my way over with my stand with instruments and back-up table....nursery room nurse running late too so my second scrub/preceptor had to "catch" the baby, thereby contaminating herself and unable to stand in to help out. she said my eyes looked like a deer caught in the headlights when realization of this fact swept over and through me :)

there is an order in which the sutures are handed to the doctor, depending upon where they are in the patient to close. there was need for another of a certain kind, which was handed off instead of the one i had loaded; per instructions, the needle was placed in the needle holder and when he wanted it at that point, he barked because i did not have it loaded. my preceptor barked back for me and said he went out of order, it wasn't my fault (thank you M!) and i was told i need to "know where we *are*" at that point, i was just happy i was still upright as i was lightheaded and it was hot and tense for so many reasons.

i survived. thank you, Lord (He was with me the whole time)...

next C was a crash - came by ambulance, different level of stress, i fared okay as did mom and baby - seems mama came to the casino for some gambling and a couple of weeks prior to her due date, decided to go into labor. yikes.

C #3 i was by myself, save for one of my managers (not scubbed in) observing. along with three other people "observing." no stress there, being "observed." i felt fumbly, all day, but fared okay and the surgeon said i did a good job :) a little praise goes a long way.

i have anxiety. i am wondering on the days i am in the OR if i should double my paxil?

all of this, i got through because i prayed the entire time and thanked Jesus every time something went well, or i handed the correct instrument off without being asked to do so....i think i am getting there and they want me finished by this week. my last one scheduled is today, but if there are any on the weekend, it is all me, no observer, no preceptor. just penni.

and Jesus :)


Extend your mercy towards others, so that there can be no one in need whom you meet without helping. For what hope is there for us if God should withdraw His Mercy from us? ~~St. Vincent dePaul