where i am.

there is something new happening inside of me...something that is making my senses more aware...maybe it is because in my hospital job, i have the opportunity to work with the poor and marginalized in a fancy-schmancy setting and learn first-hand what the Gospel is about. it has nothing to do with doctrines or theologies, it has to do with helping those in need, getting the cup of water (or ice chips, depending upon how far into their labor they are) when needed, without grumbling and complaining...it has to do with having the compassion needed to do so, shift in/shift out.

more so, i find myself aware of what the needs of my family are, and those needs have taken me away from the computer - and rightly so. i used to average a few posts a week; for the month of may, i barely posted more than three times a week. i don't know if anyone even noticed or even cared.

i find myself being pulled away from blogging more and more. it is not that i don't find others fascinating and their lives incredibly interesting, but find myself getting caught up in way too much drama, worrying way too much about what people think about what i say, looking at my stats entirely too often, wondering where i am in the ecosystem (still flappy bird, but that's cool because i like birds), wondering why other people are higher up than i am. can you imagine? i am almost ashamed to admit it.

really, who cares? do you really, really care?

i have discovered something: i don't. i have become out of balance.

i've thought about posting a *swan song* type thread, stating i will be away, uncertain for how long only to post four days later. i am not about that. i am about finally learning where i need to be and doing so - just being. and it's all okay.

so if you are still along for the ride, the ride may be a lot more sporadic. i am not feeling as obligated (as i was) to continue posting with as much frequency as i used to. i am finding myself upset about things i hear in the news and knowing if i voiced my opinion about same here, it would be drowned out in a lot of correction and rhetoric because everyone else is right and i am totally wrong, regardless of whether i really am or not.

so for now, i am simply going to "be" - be with Jesus. be with His people. become who He wants me to be, write about it once in a while.

or not.

it's just where i am.