perspective

perspective

i've written in the past about perspective; i seem to gain more of it with each day i am at the hospital and some of it is good, some of it not so much, all of it leading to more insight and awareness that i am not worthy of attaining. what do i do with it? how do i decipher it if it is to be deciphered?

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i saw first-hand a tiny infant go through the pain of drug withdrawal - mom tested positive for opiates, barbiturates, and benzodiazepenes. i don't know anything else about the mom other than she used (and was probably addicted to) drugs, but the baby was in a pretty bad way.

it was one of the most painful things i've ever witnessed. the baby was eventually transferred to the NICU; both child and mother need prayer.

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second dose of perspective with a question: how do you deal with the people you work with who are just plain mean? at first, i was thinking it was simply a sense of humor thing; she was very witty at first, but then i felt something inside that said she wasn't really that funny...perhaps we weren't "gelling," being on the same page, whatever. the more i work with this person, the more it is glaringly apparent she is just not nice.

to your face she is, yes. as soon as you walk away, however...i actually walk away when a conversation starts up that isn't kind about a co-worker or a patient, even(!!) i really do speak up when what she is saying is unwarranted or unfounded, but she has been there for a lot longer than i have, is an RN (i am a tech ~ i know my role) and holds a lot of weight and credibility i think because of her longevity and other physical and emotional struggles she has had in the past and overcome.

regardless of said struggles, it is this person's opinion that it doesn't give someone carte blanche to be mean-spirited and unkind. i am sorry.

i guess i need to be praying harder for her and asking God for His mercy toward me when i get angry at what she is saying; pray for the words to turn her off when she gets started...it often involves other co-workers and doctors, even, and they all join in the laughs. it is not funny.

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i helped with a patient all day yesterday that had a pretty odd reaction to the morphine she was given post-op for her middle-of-the-night C-section. she was angry, violent, restless, tried pulling her catheter out, threw things across the room (soft things, though, so nobody got hurt) and was pretty decidedly nasty in her language and tone, regardless of how kind we were to her. she finally had her cath removed (after doctor's okay) and was able to get up and walk around and returned to her personality by the end of my shift, which was nice to see.

she was outside talking on her cell phone when i left and she abruptly ended the conversation, stood up and said "i am so sorry for how i treated you today -- that medication was terrible and i felt like i was so high and out of control - i know i was a bitch and i am not like that at all. you guys are underrated, underpaid and underappreciated and you are so very sweet, you and that little nurse that helped me all day today," and she almost started crying. i gave her a big hug and said "you just had a major operation, have a new little one, have other things going on and your hormones are out of control -- no worries....i'll see you on friday," and she perked up and walked back in.

just when i wonder what it is i am doing here, something shifts in my perspective.