i thought you would like to see who you are praying for - this picture of my mom is from a casino i.d., taken 24 years ago. we found this pic when we were looking for medical information in her wallet in the E.R. - this literally stopped me and my brothers and sisters in our tracks; she is gorgeous...~*~*~*~*~
received two phone calls early this morning, at 2:30 and 2:45 - "unavailable" was what showed up on caller i.d.; felt whoever was responsible was pretty cruel.
asked God if He wanted me to pray for my mom, but didn't feel a sense of urgency - did so anyhow. when i awoke this morning, i asked the Lord the same question He has heard the last 4 days: am i dreaming? is my mother okay? is this real? realizing i am not, she is not, yes it is, i ask for His grace and strength to make it through today. manna for today, not for tomorrow, just for today. He provides and is a good and gracious God.
met with gastro specialists and pulmonologist. there were things that showed up on ct scan gastro folks didn't like all too much - including pancreas and liver, as well as an area of her colon - mri today, colonoscopy tomorrow, pending clearance from heart docs.
pulmonologist told me point blank that mom failed her "trial miserably today..." and said she was in this for "the long haul -- do you know what your mother's wishes are?" i was a bit taken aback, but had enough presence of mind to ask what her prognosis was -- "not good...poor." said her COPD was advanced, as was her emphysema. also, was concerned about "the mass in her abdomen..." good information was gleaned, just was not my most uplifting conversation of the day.
mom tolerated her mri through the miracle of sedation: i am a clausterphobic, mom is a clausterphobic. until it crossed my mind today, i can no longer think of anything that would produce more anxiety in me than being told of needing an mri while on a ventilator. she was no different and was heavily sedated through the procedure, so much so that she was still sound asleep when i went back tonight for my second visit. thank God, she needs to sleep.
her colonoscopy scheduled for tomorrow was postponed due to her cardiologist saying "i do not give my clearance." seems she has suffered some injury to her heart and has "ischemic changes" and i am now aware this was the "heart disease" he had been referring to yesterday. even though the colonoscopy was canceled, i found out the mri covered the area they were going to scope, so we may still have further information on that tomorrow.
imparting this type of news to my siblings not the simplest of tasks as they are all pretty emotional about everything - who can blame them? i believe i have not broken down because of God's grace and the strength i am gaining through your sustaining prayers. also, the time i have spent on the phone with my siblings and in the presence of my family has also been affirming.
please - if you think of it, simply continue to stand in the gap for my mom and my family. thanks.
21 comments:
Penni:
Thank you for the update. I know how very precious TIME is to you right now, and just keeping us updated requires more of it than you have at your disposal. Rest assured, there are MANY people praying for your mother, for you and for your entire family...at this very moment. Prayer is a wondrous thing....how it changes US, and provides a "lifeline" of the Spirit. God bless you, dear lady, for the gift of love you are presenting each day.
You and your mom and your whole family are in my heart and in my prayers, Penni.
She is indeed gorgeous.
Still praying..
The prayers won't stop.
Still praying Penni.
kristin, it does take time to update, but also serves as a place for me to gather my thoughts and put them to rest.
i awoke this morning and for the first time in five days, did not ask God if it were really happening; asked for His grace and strength immediately instead. His will be done, i pray i continue to be level-headed and clear thinking, that i translate what they are saying accurately and tactfully to my siblings, and that i will be able to impart words of peace and reassurance to my mother.
amen.
Oh sweetie... I am so very sorry. Hopefully, my "holding gift" will be there for you today. I know your family is feeling so blessed because of your being able to converse medically with her caretakers. I wish you love and for grace to envelope you as you continue to deal with this and any decisions that have to be made. You and your mom remain in my steadfast prayers...
Penni;
Prayers always. Through all of this may your mom know the Peace of Christ.
Kat
it seems you have the major burden here among your brothers and sisters...take care to take care of yourself healthwise. You can do only so much.
praying for you and mom.
Just been catching up with blog visiting.
Penni, I echo Tom's comment - be sure to take care of yourself in all this. I speak from experience with my dad - it is so easy to try to be everything to everyone, and run yourself into the ground!
Praying for God's grace to cover and strengthen you all.
Penni,
Of course I am praying for you and your mom and your family. I hope you don't mind if I burden you with one of my most favorite of prayers. I will say it for you and thought it might offer you some comfort. I will ask Our Divine Physician for the healing of your mom's soul and body, together. Blessings!
The Prayer of St. John of Kronstadt
O Lord, grant that with Your peace I may greet all that this day is to bring. Grant me grace to surrender myself completely to Your Holy Will. In every hour of this day instruct me and guide me in all things. Teach me to accept tranquilly whatever tidings I may receive during this day, in the firm belief that Your Holy Will governs all. Govern my thoughts and feelings in all that I do and say. When unforseen things occur, let me not forget that all is sent by You. Teach me to behave sincerely and reasonably toward everyone, so that I may bring confusion and sorrow to no one. Bestow on me, O Lord, stregth to endure the fatigue of the day and to bear my part in its events. Guide my will and teach me to pray, to believe, to suffer, to forgive and to love. Amen.
Much love,
Renee
Lord, I'm glad you are still listening because we are still asking.
Your mom is beautiful, penni. I also pray that your siblings will share the physical and emotional weight of all this with you, especially since you are still recovering yourself.
I didn't really say that right, penni. What I meant was, I have seen other situations like this where, because there was a "strong one", the other siblings were allowed to express their emotions, but the "strong one" felt that he/she could not. And the "strong one" always pays a huge price for that later, which I wouldn't want to see happen with you.
Still standing in the gap, Penni.
Much love and all my prayers...
J.
You and your mother and your family remain in our prayers.
She IS gorgeous but looks familiar to me ... because I see you in her face.
Love you and standing in the gap arm in arm with these other good friends of yours.
Watch O Lord, with those who wake, or watch or weep tonight, and give Your angels and saints charge over those who sleep. Tend Your sick ones, O Lord Christ. Rest Your weary ones. Bless Your dying ones. Soothe Your suffering ones. Shield Your joyous ones, and all for Your love's sake. Amen.
Sweet Penni, I know this is so hard, but even in the darkest times those around you can hear God's peace in your words. You are a dear.
I have my rosary in my pocket. I keep praying.
Oh, honey- I am so sorry. I can only too well relate to what you are going through...
Of course, your beautiful mom is in my prayers, as are you.
Lots of love, sweetheart...
Penni,
May Our Lord support you and your mother, may He hold you both in His arms and give you courage, comfort, and strength.
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