wtf.

i met with my surgeon today. not a good visit.

since my initial biopsy results came back "inconclusive," he wants me to repeat the procedure in june since you have to wait three months in between biopsies because it is so invasive and the thyroid is a delicate gland...never mind that my endocrinologist recommends removal. never mind that the freaking lump was discovered on my neck in december and as "fate" would have it, one thing after another has postponed learning the truth of what this *thing* is.

never mind that after my first biopsy, that i swore i would never put myself through that horrific event again. it hurt like no other procedure i have ever had done and my endocrinologist said "i would never make you do that again..." at my last visit.

ever.

i have a call into Dr. Gabriel Byrne to see what he wants me to do - go see the specialist in philadelphia or wait until june, which i do not foresee having the fortitude to endure. the new surgeon i met today, who is a little kinder than House, was a bit on the arrogant side and after having had my share of insensitivities this week between receiving a terse email from a friend and doctors' attitudes at the hospital, i wasn't prepared for it when he said "i know you have anxiety issues, but now that you know what the procedure is like, you can be better prepared for it."

apparently he has no clue what anxiety means.

zip.

this is getting extremely old, exceedingly frustrating, and i have reached the end of my patience rope. i have been dissolved to tears for the better part of today because i just wanted to have answers; instead, i have "wait another two months and get your neck poked and then we will probably wait an additional three months if that result is also non-diagnostic..." i should think not since my son will be getting married the following month.

enough.

~*~*~*~

updating to add: my doctor didn't like how things went yesterday either. he has given me the name of another doctor in this area (one that i have seen many moons ago but love and trust) and i have an appointment on monday at 3:00 p.m. he said there is no reason not to get a second opinion between now and the next biopsy, because what if the second biopsy also came back non-diagnostic? "then you are three more months behind and these nodules don't go away on their own..."

he also prescribed meds for me to start on so i can maybe start feeling better.

thank God.

thank you all for your love, support, and prayers. it means a great deal to this neurotic girl.