where i am.

Restless Universe, 1998
Oil, Asphaltum, Alkyd Resin on Canvas
90.25" x 70"

~+~+~

...for Thou hast formed us for Thyself, and our hearts are restless till they find rest in Thee?

~St. Augustine of Hippo, Confessions


why is it that i find myself, in my heart, back to "square 1?"
why is it that nothing satisfies?
i am never happy for more than a moment at a time. is this my lot in life, where i must find myself day in, day out? seeking that which is not found anywhere but in God?

should i be like the prophetess anna and stay in the temple all of my days? i am called to go out into the world, but the world sucks me in like a vacuum and i find myself on the treadmill with everyone else. i want to get off.

i want to stay off.

i am so weak, i keep seeking in all the wrong places, keep desiring things i have no business desiring. i feel cut off from that which i desire the most and i can do nothing about it.

i need peace.

(....so........enough about me. how are you?)