Impatience

Burning Patience
Karin Kuhlmann

~~~

As I was driving to my meeting yesterday, I was behind a car that was going just under the speed limit. I apparently was not because I had a clear view of their license plates, as well as a clear understanding of their political beliefs, and if I had gotten any closer, I would have been able to discern eye color in their rear view mirror.

I listen to Christian radio or classical music. There are songs I hear on classic rock stations that remind me of the days I used to smoke; good times. I don’t really wish to be reminded every few minutes of those days so I choose not to listen. And Gee Whiz, isn’t it better to listen to Christian music and be edified?

You would think so.

However, I wasn’t edifying to any listener within earshot with the f-bombs that were flying out of my mouth because of how slow the person ahead of me was driving. That’s brilliant: Christian radio in the background, f-bombs in the foreground, and all because I was running late. Somehow, this was their problem because I failed to leave my house to make my meeting on time.

My patience level is thin. That is about the only thin thing about me that I can vouch for. I know better than to pray for patience, and all of this doesn’t make me want to pick up a drink, but if I had to pigeon-hole my angry outlook, I know it is partly due to being pretty-freaking-annoyed that I can never drink again. [I have probably already mentioned this.] My gratitude cup ain’t overflowing, just yet. I sit and listen to how grateful people are, and that is brilliant, but I am not grateful. I am a resentful, petulant brat that is pissier more often than not because I cannot get what I want when I want it, and that is the ability to pick up a drink and do so in a controlled manner. (Oh, I was controlled alright…)

So I work through the poor driving ability of the person ahead of me, grateful when he turns off and actually arrive at my meeting on time. The sun was rising and shining on the bay and I actually got brave enough to help myself to a cup of tea during one of the readings. I could feel my anger abate and I made a mental note that I would get myself together a little bit sooner so I could make the drive with not only time to spare, but attitude as well.

(i am sincerely hoping the list of virtues i am lacking is not all that long...)