a very very very fine house

A Blue House
Victoria Taylor-Gore


there was a house down at the end of my street that was in shambles for as long as i can remember. i recall the "for sale sign" and thinking to myself, "who on earth would ever want this house?" but somebody did. and that somebody hired a construction crew come and totally refurbish this house and if i hadn't seen it before, i would never have thought it was the same place. it's been a very slow process, lots of hammering and bangering, and sloughing and pitching, cement and bricks -- you get the idea. so much painstaking work from what used to be a house that looked as though nobody loved it.

i drove by it today and saw the workers, busy outside and am in awe of the transformation. it has literally taken months, but you can see it is going to be absolutely gorgeous (at least on the outside. i am not privy to the innards...) pretending the inside will match, how could you not marvel at the amount of work that has gone into this?

i can say that i have not had the desire to drink for some time, but have residual alcoholic thinking that is what i need to grow out of and beyond. i am doing some major renovations of my heart and this house i pass on a daily basis is really a metaphor for my life. i cannot see the bigger picture God has in mind for me, but i can trust that it must be really, really good for me to suffer on and off as i have. for instance, i sat through my sunday morning meeting crying. no reason, other than my daughter has been very ill since friday and seemingly no better (update: she tested mono positive today and if is no better by tomorrow, she will be in the hospital...prayers would be coveted) [so i guess exhaustion was a good reason, in retrospect...] these melancholy moods come and go, the short-tempered flares, the agitation. all i am being told by my new friends in sobriety and my God is that i need to "be patient. time takes time...work takes work."


i cannot see the end of my transformation; i hope that when i finally start taking shape, that the end result will be worth all of the hammering and bangering...

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