God made my life complete when I placed all the pieces before him. When I got my act together, he gave me a fresh start...God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes.
Psalm 18:20, 24 Msg
a copy of this Psalm was left on my desk yesterday morning by a woman who is a frequent visitor to the office we share with a management company. she and i were talking the day before and she understands "where i am" as she is also in recovery.
nuggets like this get me through my day. i was listening to one of the guys share about his grandfather whose health was failing. how he actually was able to talk to him on the telephone before he had passed away, how he was "unavailable" when his father died because he was in active addiction; how when he had hung up the phone, instead of resorting to his old ways of acting out, reaching for that which would have set him back two months, he made dinner and ate. took a shower. watched television. slept through the night.
in other words, practiced good self-care.
i sat and listened and thought, "good for you R, good for you," and was gently nudged by the Spirit within me about how i don't see what i do for myself as being "good for me." i was humbled by it. i eat dinner with my family nightly. i wasn't feeling well, so i got into my snuggy clothes and grabbed a quilt and watched the dog show, which i thoroughly enjoyed doing. instead of lamenting about what i "can't have," i capitalized on what i do have.
God is rewriting the way i think, helping rewire my thoughts and actions. i have my moments of supreme frustration and depression (for which i have a doctor's appointment tomorrow), but all in all, i am doing okay because i have people in my life who care about me, who reach out for me, who check in to make sure i am doing what i need to be doing.
i am healing.