i started working the steps with my step sponsor on wednesday. we got together at the local coffee shop and i read the highlighted parts of my history that i had previously shared with my other sponsor -- the highlighted parts, only, because she wanted to get to the chase but quick. she only raised her eyebrows once or twice, which was pretty miraculous because of course, my history is the worst history in the universe.
i am missing my home group something fierce and am grateful tomorrow is saturday so i get to see everyone. i haven't gotten to a meeting since tuesday night as i have obligations to my family on the weeknights, this week in particular. i think i will be hitting a meeting this evening, however, because it is friday and fridays are usually difficult if i don't have reinforcement of my structure.
i went to the beach this morning and sat on the boardwalk in a pavillion i spent a great deal of time in as a young, angsty teen. i would run there when issues arose at home and i had nowhere to turn -- God and His ocean always would restore me to sanity. today was no different as the ache was there to sit and be with my friends and having no recourse, i sat in the pavillion and did my step homework, listening to the waves in the background and the sound of pounding feet as the early morning joggers went by. the shore birds were out and circling, the beach bunnies hopping along, the dampness of the air and greyness of the clouds served their purposes as i went through my big book, remembering things previously highlighted and mused over how differently i feel now than i did 6 months ago.
i realize as much as i have longed for peace that passes all understanding, i am beginning to recognize if i continue to read the literature, commune with God, and stay in my day, i am acquiring that peace, even if i don't *feel* as though i am fully immersed in it. not everything is going to be a earth-shattering event; the gentleness of beginning my day in this way is a good indicator of the direction i am heading.
and i am glad.