my ccd class was, again, out of control last night (bear in mind this is an 8th grade confirmation class). it is so discouraging, i simply wanted to leave the classroom and not return.
for two days, i have immersed myself in a boatload of emotional eating. most times when i am *going through* i usually withdraw until i can talk about it or eat a lot of ben & jerry's - guess how i am handling this crisis?. this has me very upset -- you would think i taught inner city youths...these are middle-upper class suburban kids who are, i think, for the most part seeking confirmation because their parents "want them to." they are disobedient and disrespectful; it gets to the point where i can't even hear myself think, let alone speak.
and our diocese holds fast to the belief that we are unable to "deny any person confirmation who seeks it." the behavior of these children reminds me of the scriptures: "they honor Me with their lips, but their hearts are from from Me..." (matthew 15:8, slightly paraphrased) and "And He said to them, "You are those who justify yourselves before men, but God knows your hearts. For what is highly esteemed among men is an abomination in the sight of God." (luke 16:15)
then i question whether it is my heart that needs adjusting? is it my attitude - am i self-righteous? too lenient? too strict? am i not preaching the Gospel the way Jesus would want me to? do i not pray enough for them and for myself prior to going in? i just don't know any more....i should point out it is really two or three girls who disrupt the entire class; remove them from the picture and i may have more peace, and that looks like what may happen as of next week. however: am i failing these girls?
this saturday i am supposed to be taking them to the atlantic city rescue mission for a tour of the facility and preparation and serving lunch to the residents. this trip is usually what turns the kids around and opens their eyes to so much; unfortunately, the ones who could use the eye-opening the most aren't even going. oh, well. please someone, tell me how to not lose my cool with these kids when they are behaving so badly. i am at a loss.
please pray for me.