what i am about to share i would usually reserve for my other blog, but i feel compelled to be a bit transparent, so please bear with me.
two years ago today (Ash Wednesday), i was in the throes of a situation i was having a very, very difficult time extracting myself from. it was a constant battle between my will and God's, penni's will winning out on most occasions.
even though i was scheduled to lector for the 7:00 p.m. Mass, and i was *participating*, if you will, in my addiction (read: sin) right up until the time i stepped into the church to read.
i sat there, with my family, feeling all sorts of smug (read: self-righteous and downright indignant, actually) when monsignor was finishing up his very short and to the point homily. at the end, he said the words "turn away from sin and be faithful to the Gospel." at that precise moment, i believe i was the only person sitting in church and it was the voice of God Himself, directed right at me. in fact, i may have even heard the word "penni" bellowed at me.
i literally started shaking and humility washed over me like a tidal wave. shame? oh, shame does not even describe it. what i felt that day cannot even be expressed by mere words. it was my defining moment and one that i will never, ever forget.
the road back has been difficult to navigate and i still have my moments, but (thank you God) i am still on the right road, regardless of how narrow it gets. i can say i would never want to travel down the wrong road again (please, God!)
i had that *Ash Wednesday 2003* moment flood back to me this morning just prior to going up to help monsignor distribute ashes. i thought "oh, Lord - i have so far to go," and He replied, in my heart of hearts, "but look at how far you've come..."
(by the way - the altar pictured was taken this morning, after Mass - it's my church and i wanted to share it with you...)
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