nicholas mcginnis worked for us the summer of 2001. he was a 17 year-old high school student who was *book* smart and a tremendous joy to be around because he had an easy smile and a great attitude.

during that summer, we planned on a "cafe night out at the surf," which meant we sponsored a section at a triple-a baseball team's stadium (the atlantic city surf) for our employees and customers. an end-of-summer bash, if you will. it was a running joke for a few weeks leading up to the game between nick and my husband and i- "i don't want to go," "baseball is stupid," "can i bring a pillow in case i doze off?" every single time, we'd say "nick, you are part of the family, you have to go." he'd laugh and then come up with another excuse.

on the evening of the game, and due to a flash summer storm that lasted (in retrospect) all of 15 minutes, nick made one last ditch effort to be granted pardon from attendance - he called right after his guitar lesson and spoke to my husband saying, "it's raining - i don't have a raincoat..." jim said, "we'll see you at the game :)" he never came. we thought he decided to turn around and go home, and we'd talk to him about it in the morning.

he never came because he was killed in a car accident on the way there - his car hit a puddle during this flash storm, he hydroplaned, and his car flipped over. even typing this now, i have a lump in my throat and my eyes are welling up.

of course, we know it is not our fault. of course, we know nick loved us as we loved him - we were like an extended family to him. for the two months that followed his death, it was like walking around in total darkness. one of the only thing that got me through that time was knowing there was a Christian lady at the scene of the accident that held his hand and prayed him right into heaven.

i also believe nothing happens by accident. i know that was planned before i even took my first breath. i know the God of the Universe has His reasons for everything. i hold onto His ways being so much higher than my ways...

however.

the last thing i ever thought would happen is that we'd bury two of our employees in a 3 1/2 year span of time. (okay, maybe i shouldn't *go there* but if i can't *go there* here, then where?) not only bury, but for bruce's memorial service, we have the responsibility of planning out (with our pastor friend from up the street), and i may even pen his obituary. the couple he lived with, in their grief, feel unable to do any of it.

i know in His infinite wisdom, there is a reason for all of this, for all of us. while there are some people Jesus comes to us as that may be a little less than palatable, sometimes His ways can be just as, uhm, not so tasty. someone said to me that this is not just a restaurant for us to run, but a ministry. i don't know if i ascribe to anything that would glorify what we do, but i am starting to feel a little uneasy when it comes to how personally i take things.

am i alone in that thinking, out on a pier?