the sound of my husband's alarm awoke me at 4:00 this morning. i had a difficult time going back to sleep, so i laid there, in the pitch black and thought about my day and what it was i needed to accomplish.

i fluffed my goose-down pillow and laid my head back down and started to drift off to sleep, that twilight sleep that is so peaceful and lovely, when i heard it. over there, in the corner, loomed something large and very dark. it was almost imperceptible in the early morning light, but i didn't need to see it -- i sensed its presence, and its presence was pure evil.
the dialogue went as follows and i am not going to use quotation marks for the sake of speed typing. sometimes, stories need to be told as quickly as possible so you have the release prior to healing...

good morning, penni.
i said, good morning.
oh, Lord...whatever. (it was the best polite response i could muster) uh, could you stop talking to me, please?
what are you doing today?

oh please, i am really tired. please let me fall back to sleep...
i want to spend some time with you.
oh, no ... you don't.
yeah. (long pause) i do. (deep, glutteral voice)

(feeling of nausea starting to rise, i was slowly becoming afraid. not simply *afraid,* like "i'm afraid we are out of those shoes," but deep, abiding fear-afraid.)

what is it that you want from me?
i just want to take you for a little walk. we can talk then.
no way...i don't want to walk with you!! i don't wish to do anything with you!!

(panic is no longer slowly setting in - we are in full throttle panic-mode...where is my crucifix? and my holy water? o, Lord, don't abandon me in my time of need...)

just a little *you* and *me* time. that's all i seek.
no. you are evil, i say - EVIL. i cannot go anywhere with you, i can't, i tell you! (as an aside -- where the hell is my husband? there cannot be ANYTHING on television right now that is about the eagles...the unfairness of 24 hour programming...)

then it said something totally dispicable - please remove all children from the viewing area...

i want you on top of me...
o MY LORD AND MY GOD, noooooooooooooooooooo. (i am now so far under the covers you can only hear muffled replies...)
it's easy. i promise you can start gently and we will get faster as we move along...

at this point i pull the blankets over my head. i can't bear the conversation any longer, it is encroaching on obscene.

real sweat.
oh, i so don't think so - be gone, be GONE! (now i am cursing myself because i never paid enough attention to joyce meyer when she gave instructions on how to bind the enemy...always so busy flipping through the channels when i coulda *learned* something!!)
you'll be great and while you may hurt afterwards, i can assure you, you will be glad we got together............


at this point, i bolted upright and saw the sun streaming in through my windows. i focused my gaze over to the corner of the evil that had me ready to run, screaming down the hall when i saw it - the cobwebs started to clear and the gravity of the situation started sinking in.

there, in the corner, it stood majestically: the 585 pro-form treadmill from sears, purchased for a mere $150 because we answered an ad in the paper on tuesday...damn you, bargain box!!

damn you!!

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