oy.

now, try to follow the bouncing ball...

one of the daily mass lector's, R, has been taken ill with a virus. the other daily mass lector, F, who calls me to fill in for her when she's not feeling so hot, approached me the other day to try to work out a schedule while R is recovering. he may be out for a long while.

i can't find the link to the post wherein i mentioned i was asked to take over for the rosary on thursdays and distributing communion, but i am pretty sure i stated that these folks at daily mass have been in their "places" for many, many years. i would not even think about approaching one of them to see if i could take over for them as a lector or EM. it would never happen, i respect all of them too much and they are the *elders* in the church. in short, i know my role.

so there i sat, back pew, left-hand side, reading my magnificat, joining in prayers/not joining until mass started when i was approached on the same day by the two different men (hereinafter "J" and "T") to help out. of course! was my enthusiastic response. this was around december or january.

now F approached me this week to tell me about R and asked what days - i got confused over the days myself so i said to her today i had a tough schedule, but that i'd be happy to read weds-thurs-fri, distribute Communion on thursday and lead the rosary and read on friday. she says, "oh, so now you're reading THREE days?"

*blink, blink*
breathe in, breathe out.
*blink, blink*

i said, "if that's okay - look, i just want to help!" but didn't add the fact that i work 5 or 6 days a week, have been entrusted with Exposition of the Blessed Sacrament the entire time monsignor is away (12 days) so i was already at church from 6:15 a.m. to 7:35 a.m., at which time i fly home and attempt to get my sleepy daughter ready for school in 25 minutes or less, whereupon i drop her at school and return for mass at 8:15 a.m. the gentleman J, who leads rosary on weds said he'd take back thurs. to lighten it a bit for me and said as an aside when F left "don't worry about her - she gets ruffled but doesn't mean anything by it."

uh, okay. i feel like it's rapid-fire any more. does God really want to crucify something in me or what? does He really want me to sit and warm the pew, 'cause i will and will be happy to do so. however, i don't feel i am to sit in exile for much longer. i feel as though i am supposed to help wake a very sleepy parish and if i show enthusiasm for the things i love doing (especially reading), then i get back-bitten for it.

*sigh*

one last thought: i saw richard's mom in church today. never a good sign seeing her at daily mass; i didn't have a chance to speak to her afterward, but feel compelled to pray for her and her family (and richard, too, of course...)

(did ya keep up with all that??)