feast of the assumption

today is the Feast of the Assumption and there are wonderful explanations all over st. blog's parish, too numerous actually for me to recount here, but suffice it to say, there are a lot and they are informative and helpful to a convert like me who still struggles (openly) with some of the Church's Sacred Traditions.

but that's cool. we all struggle, i am just more transparent than i probably should be.

my thought today is this: i attend daily mass on most days i am not at work in the kitchen, opening up. the monsignor, chief pastor of our parish, never has a homily. there as one Lenten season where he did, daily, and it was wonderful, a cool way to start the day, but this past season? nada. feast days? nothin'.

leaves me hangin' a bit. makes me want a little bit more.

his homilies have never really bowled me over, not like father al's - but i've mentioned that before too -- so what's a girl to do? how does a quandry like this get rectified?

is this why i blog? read blogs? educate myself as to my faith through other bloggers and comprehensive websites that speak to the issue i am looking to have addressed?

why could he not give a simple explanation as to why Catholics think the way they do about certain things? explain the scriptures a wee bit? help open the Word up to us?

please - this is not a rant against my faith; just voicing my opinion that while i should feel blessed to have the Feast of the Assumption actually celebrated at daily mass when others aren't fortunate enough to attend mass on the actual feast day, i felt like i was missing something. there is no bandwagon to jump on here...

please also - don't rail against my thoughts by saying i was blessed to receive the body, blood, soul and divinity of my Lord today - i already know that, too. i am not trying to diminish the other aspects of the Mass.

as an aside, yesterday was the traditional "Blessing of the Sea" mass held in atlantic city; last year i served as an extraordinary minister of the Eucharist and since it was before my blogging time (i started blogging in november). i was one of about 35 ministers, and about 2000 people were in attendance. it was mayhem - i don't know if i'll ever get over it. they had a statute of the Blessed Mother with money pinned all over it, parading it around for veneration, people clamoring and climbing over one another to reach out and touch the statue - and i could barely cast my gaze on it...i was mortified at this behavior and had never seen anything quite like it.

the Sacrament of Eucharist finally arrived and as *luck* would have it, i was stationed by the prayer candles (light a candle, say a pray for a buck and after mass, blow any lit candle out and take it home with you for a memento of the event) and after having received Jesus, some folks went over to buy candles, started talking about what casino they were going to meet up at, milling around, talking - ARE YOU KIDDING ME? i wanted to shout out - "We are in the presence of GOD!!!"

nobody heard the cry of my heart. i was screaming inside and as facial expressions go, the church lady would have had nothing on me that day... i was literally sick to my stomach and sick at heart.

at the place where we took the vessels to be purified, i saw fr. pete (the bishop's then assistant, he was a year below me in high school) and said, "oh, father - i don't think i could ever do this again - i am undone..." he thought it was a mystical experience for me. i told him later in a phone conversation it was quite the contrary and it rattled me for weeks. he really tried to encourage me and said "pen, nothing can hurt Jesus; you hurt for Him, but He's seen and heard it all -- we need more people like you to serve, please don't let this dissuade you from serving again."

no, i didn't serve at yesterday's mass.

maybe my feelings about that event have spilled over to my feelings this morning? has anyone else (converts especially) felt this way on days like today?

feel free to respond or reply via email. all answers will be kept discreet unless you tell me otherwise; i am still seeking, i guess.

pax.