friendship

i went to Mass this morning at 7:00 a.m. and arrived a bit early. i was reading my book benedict's way and came upon this piece about friendship:

Vowing to stay in one place with the same people for the rest of our life is a commitment to appreciate unending beauty in the simplest elements...every one of his [the monk's] brothers was brought to this place by God. Their presence...is sacramental.

--Frank Bianco, Voices of Silence: Lives of the Trappists Today

i was struck by the last sentence "Their presence...is sacramental." your presence here - brought here by God, yesterday especially, was sacramental to me. you represented God when i wasn't able to see Him or feel Him, because my own selfish addictive desires got in the way and blinded me. you showed Him to me by your words, by being present for me. fully present, here and in private e-mails.

i am wounded and it is difficult to see through to the other side of something that has had such a distinctive, penetrating hold on me. amy, i think you said i had a target on my back; through an email received, this was confirmation. i know i am unworthy of such kindnesses that have been extended to me, but i can say that they resonated with me and have carried me through an incredibly difficult day, let alone week.

thank you. so, so much.