the words of our mouths

my oldest son is one of the most passionate, determined people i've ever met. he is health-conscious (save for the habits he's develed in eating odd things since he's lived on his own) and is known at the gym as the guy who stands ready to help anyone at any time.

he has a tendency, however, to exhort at a time when exhortation should be put aside and sensitivity be employed as the alternative. last night was one of those such nights.

he's home a bit more often now because he is working in the area at a local theater and on the weekends, at the hospital (which is as thrilled to have him back as he is to be back...more on that later). he and his brother have always been like oil and water and never the two shall meet on any given topic; mostly, however, about diet and exercise.

my middle son is sensitive about his weight and i have been working for a number of years to help him keep the pounds off from nutritionists to weight watchers to modified atkins and in march of this year, in fact, we went to a meeting about a diet program that is doctor-supervised. i have come to the conclusion that unless he wants to do something himself, i can't force it, no matter how hard i try.

so instead of berating him because "nothing else works," i continue to encourage him, tell him he is the sweetest, funniest, kindest, handsomest 15 year old i know.

oldest son and i came to blows last night over how he is trying to get middle son to cooperate with a decent diet and exercise plan. we war with words: he is very intelligent, but i can still pummel him with my rhetoric. i am much older, i am good at that, and while i was patient during his diatribe, i stood in the kitchen, formulating my response...i continued to let him talk and understood his frustrations, but i still stand by Scriptures that speak of our words being seasoned with salt, love, not being clanging gongs, et cetera. he is under the impression that beating his brother senseless until he complies and starts to exercise would be the way to go, until i pulled out the big guns:

"ben, beating your brother up mentally is not going to make him go to the gym any more than thumping someone over the head with a bible is going to make them want to go to church."

i looked over at him, his head down, while a smile slowly broke across his face. *ding, ding, ding* i hit the motherload: he put his fist out toward me and said "ma, give me some pounds - that was good. reallly good."

discussion over.

fast forward to later after oldest leaves to go back to school. middle comes out and complains of knee pain after playing football that afternoon with his friends and i said, "honey, that could be because you are carrying too much weight around for your frame. i am not trying to belabor anything that your brother said, but we need to scale back, regardless of the holidays - okay?" he said "okay" and left the room. he called me into his bedroom and through tears told me he was "ready to do something" about his weight and wanted to try the diet we explored this past march - it is doctor supervised and while a bit pricey, will be worth every penny if it helps my boy. God knows what our funds are right now and if we are to do this, will make a way.

~*~*~*~

i was reading after all were in bed my Blue Like Jazz book and came across this passage, wherein the author is relating a discussion he went to where Brennan Manning was the speaker (loooove Brennan Manning):

Manning went on to speak of the great danger of a harsh word, the power of unlove to deteroirate a person's heart and spirit, and how, as representatives of the grace and love of God, our communication should be seasoned with love and compassion.

amen and amen.