exiting romans 7 land

BACKVIEW OF WOMAN WALKING DOWN MIDDLE OF STREET AT NIGHT B/W
Photographer: Ian Sanderson

i know what i have been going through is spiritual warfare and by that i mean my spiritual side is warring with my carnal side and my carnal side is exceedingly stubborn and does not want to give up its willfulness. why is that?

it is lodged in perpetual romans 7 land, for instance 7:14: We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. i know what i am to do. i have been battling this one issue for over three years now. i have spoken to countless people, talked to many priests, been through it and back again. do i accept my slavery to sin?

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. (v15)

God, can i ever relate to that! this is certainly applicable to the desire to be godly, to be good. to stay away from sin that so easily ensnares us!! i don't *get* myself at all when i go through this. i don't like myself at all, and don't even resort to self-depracating humor. it is what it is and it is self-loathing. yet, i cannot seem to control myself when this *thing* comes back time and again.

And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.

how very true is this? i can say i agree that the law is good because when one person tells me to "knock that off!" or "you need to stay away from that *issue*" it is as though i am being scolded and given boundaries and parameters and i do not wish to disappoint so i simply needed a good "talking to." plus -- i recognize i cannot be good, not ever, not on my own. never can happen.

For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do -- this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

i used to think of this verse as almost a "cop-out," a means of saying, "hey, i know i want to be upright, but listen, it was not me, it was the sin living in me -- like 'the devil made me do it.'!" that way, i could simply continue on my path of self-destruction with a valid excuse. or is it an excuse at all?

oh, and by the way: as strong-willed as my carnal side is, i am fully aware there are other things factoring into my lapses, and while the devil would like to have me think it is all of my own doing, he presents things in a very seductive ways by the lies i have been fed, over and over again. he would also like to have me think i am in this all by myself. i know i am not.

I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members.

there is something major going on in me and i am thinking once i relent and allow the Spirit to proceed as it desires, things will break wide open for me. it does feel like a war, it is a war of sorts going on in my mind at all times....i have thoughts, expressions, ideas that have no business being there; plus with this *thing* i have physical reminders, every where i look. every where i go. they are there. they are evident. they are unavoidable unless i pick up and move out of town, possibly out of state. ....with my friends instilling God's word in my head and my heart, the Lord working through people, gathering me up in His arms, helping to clear my mind, i feel like i am healing, yet again. and again. and again.

What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?

i am accountable and acknowledge the need to be accountable to the Body of Christ. it is a difficult and humiliating thing for me to say i am hurting and in need of prayer, and i often wonder if you truly knew my *junk* if you would still be hanging around. i feel so awful at times and so sinful, but know i am trying to fight the side that wants to win and be shown as me -- that is not me, is not who i want to be. and i will continue to fight because i have help....

Thanks be to God -- through Jesus Christ our Lord!

i know He has sent you to help me. i will never cease thanking God for you all.