praying for an experience of God

i desire a transfiguration experience. but would i, like St. Peter, end up forgetting Who He Really Is?

perhaps, then, i would prefer a Damascus experience? although i cannot for the life of me even imagine wanting to be struck down blind to experience God.

i may never have an Emmaus experience. how often have i encountered Christ in even my brother or sister and not realized it was He i was conversing with?

i sat in Mass this morning praying for an experience of God. afterward i walked along the bikepath, my legs aching because i journeyed a bit too far for my second day of attempting to exercise, wondering when it will happen, if ever. i am seeking diligently, desiring something to take away the other desires that are ungodly, my feet hitting the pavement as a matter of prayer...take away the ungodly, replace them with godly thoughts, thoughts toward heaven, thoughts toward ordering my day, keeping things at the foot of the Cross, keeping things real and not in a fantasy...i am wearied.

i do not know if i will ever have an other-wordly experience to take the place of what is hindering me these past few days, months, actually years...three years. i realize i should thank God for what i have, that He gives me the grace to keep moving forward even when i think i am stuck. i know i cannot do a thing without the grace He provides for me, moment by moment.

experiencing grace is, in and of itself, an experience of God.

selah.