discussion about blogging

disclaimer at the outset: i am not going to give links or name names because i am not here to embarass anyone, least of all my friends. this is a thread wherein i am musing, only, so you know who you are if you feel it is speaking about you, m'kay?

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• first and foremost, i have not been a very good friend to many of my loyal readers and comrades. via private email, i was mortified to find out one of my dear friends was baptised on Palm Sunday - "Penni, my dear, like I haven't noticed where your every thought has been lately? I think focusing on learning how to do a C-section is a little more important than me standing at the front of a church and having three pastors pour water over my head until I am soaking wet ..."

uh, no. it's not.
not even close to being more important.

i am not saying learning how to assist in C-sections is unimportant, but my friend took a very important leap in her faith and i was not even a mere bystander via cyberspace. in fact, i was absent. i cannot even begin to tell you how mortified i am, but instead of groveling for forgiveness from my friend whom i am sure i have offended but she is being way too polite about it by not *being there* for her, i am going to work on being fully present, not just to her, but to everyone else.

• another blogger is contemplating leaving blogland (as was i, truth be told, earlier this week) because "Remember anyone in high school who was popular and they’d be friendly to you when no one was looking? That’s the feeling that comes over me when I discover something like that. And it hurts a bit — even though I don’t like to admit it - and it also makes me realize how shallow people can be — even in blogland." it hurt my heart to read this, but i can understand it to a degree and wonder why certain folks read and comment for a while and then disappear without warning. suddenly, you are not their cup of tea? i don't know, but can identify with these feelings and am concerned about it, too.

i have actually also contemplated switching over to blogger for comments again because with haloscan, you cannot turn comments off. there are times i just want to vent or speak a prayer to God and not worry about what anybody thinks because this is, afterall, my online journal. sometimes this is the only place i can truly be myself. one of my new favorite bloggers told me that her comments are off because she got too interested in whether anybody was reading as it was supposed to be her blog to God - an extension of her prayer life. i understand that, too, and respect her decision to do so.

that will not prevent me, however, from emailing her privately to let her know when what she has written as resonated with me ;) (it is my hope she will not block my email address...)

is this not all personal expression, our blogs? is this not what they are supposed to be?

• one last example: another dear friend on whose blog i mostly lurk because she is way popular has recently updated her *look* - and queried how important blog design is to you as a blogger and/or reader - hers is as cheery as her personality and she changes her look every so often.

i have been around enough blogs that do so where comments are made about changing their look and how it bothers some people -- why on earth would it? if i had a bigger home, i would rearrange the furniture more than at Christmastime to make room for the tree, i can assure you of that! to me the layout, fonts, pictures, header - it is all about self-expression, an extension of what you are writing, part of your "bloginality." do you worry about what people may think because you are making changes so often or never changing things up at all?

(for instance, yours truly has obviously changed her header because she has been so dern contemplative and desiourous of *me time* with God all by her lonesome; this picture says that for me. i feel a change coming on because i am traveling away from that feeling and more toward something else...it is my blog, it is my perrogative and i am assuming if someone does not care for it happening, they will stop reading and i am back to bullet point number 2...)

let's face it, blogging is an extension of our selves. to me writing serves as an outlet for me in my very busy, very harried world and there are days that i feel if i don't write about what i am thinking about or going through, i will simply burst! how we craft our blogs is an extension that is as personal as what we wear when we leave the house - do we brush our hair or make our faces up to please ourselves or our public (or a little of both?)

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i have reached a decision over my impasse about my faith and after some pretty heavy discussions with my favorite confessors and a moral theology professor from St. Charles Borromeo Seminary in Pennsylvania just last night, i am at my place of peace i have been seeking for so long in my long-standing issue. and yes, i am still Roman Catholic and while i may be at odds at some of her teachings, She is my Church, i chose to be Catholic, i shall remain one. the private emails suggesting i "come back to the other side" may now cease :)

please again - accept my apologies for being a bit absent (and absent-minded) over the last few months - my orientation at the hospital is officially over as of today (!!) and i will be on two days per week beginning may 1st.

thanks be to God :)