Rings

My mother, who lives with my brother and his family, comes to stay at our humble abode on occasions when my sister-in-law's brother visits from Virginia. We enjoy her company and, truth be told, I am sure she relishes the break in her routine.

Last evening over a glass of old vine red zin, we sat and talked about Ben's engagement to Kelly and how the wedding has been set for 07/07/07 (!!) Ben described how he proposed marriage and how he chose the lovely mounting my engagement diamond had Ben set into (as an aside, I would have chosen a different mounting, one a bit more ornate in a vintage-antique-y-looking way, but this wasn't about me, now was it? It was Ben's choice for Kelly and his choice was perfect.) This passing on of the ring/diamond is a tradition Ben has agreed with continue on with future generations.

My Mom turned to me and said, "So you don’t have your wedding ring any more?"

"No -- just the band I wear all the time," I replied, holding up the back of my left hand in a sweeping dramatic gesture. "It's Kelly's ring now." She was surprised as this was the first she had heard I relinquished my ring to my future daughter-in-law.

"Would you be interested in the ring set your father gave me?"

"Oh, yes!" I couldn't believe her question and found it difficult to conceal my enthusiasm.

"You were closest to him, after all..."

Parenthetical necessary for explanatory purposes: I had thought she did not notice or care about my relationship with my father -- my trip out West to his memorial service four years ago virtually went undiscussed. Dad was a sore subject and for good reason: 23 years without speaking to any one of us. The saying "to err is human, forgive, divine," is apropos to this situation as he had committed many wrongs against our family during our lifetimes -- if there was anyone in this world undeserving of our forgiveness, it would seemingly be my father.

He had sought forgiveness from all of us during his last few months of his sojourn on earth, a forgiveness not completely given by all, save for me. But that was alright with me, for if God had not wanted me to extend forgiveness, I would not have. It was purely an act of God working through me that I was able to exact forgiveness upon him and truly meant it with all of my heart. I only brought up the past with him to finally get the unanswered questions of my life answered, which he fully complied with...

He died penniless so I certainly wasn’t after the great fortune he never amassed.

Yes, definitely divine.

/parenthetical

"Sure Ma -- that'd be great." I pushed the thought from my head because God only knew when I'd see her again after this weekend's stay.

~*~*~*~*~

I awoke with a start this morning from a dream I had about not meeting payroll, and as the cobwebs cleared, realized I never completed payroll last night and shortly thereafter, bounded out of bed and barreled down the stairs, the lingering effects of sleep trying as they might to cling to my psyche; to no avail. I was already on fast-forward, on a mission.

As I reached the bottom of the stairs, I greeted my mother whose presence reminded me of her stay with us for the weekend. She is a welcome visitor -- my children adore her, my husband enjoys her calm presence and when I spend time with her (not nearly enough), I am instantly reminded of how much I miss her; I wonder if she really even knows me. Busy lives and all of 25 minutes between us seem to provide a chasm we are both stubbornly unwilling to span. I think, however, it is time we reprioritize and spend at least one day a month with each other, just so we can chat and keep up with events as they unfold (i.e., wedding engagements...)

At the very least.

"Good morning..." She looked up at me from the chair and is already dressed in her uniform to go and bake bread at the local grocery store. She has been there as long as I can recall. It is a difficult job physically and very demanding on her; I believe it is exacting a toll on her frail stature.

"Mom, I have to do payroll -- what do you usually do for your morning routine?"

"Drink coffee and smoke a cigarette." (Ahh, the more things change…)

"I need to get this done and out to Jim, so go about your morning and we will chat in a minute or two." It was 5:25 a.m.

With money electronically transferred at the touch of a button and checks signed and sealed, I sat back in my chair and looked at my mother, who had now rejoined me at the dining room table.

"I have something for you," she said as she handed me over a snack-sized ziplock baggie. I looked at the object and was completely incredulous -- it was her wedding ring set from my father.

"Mom ... how did you ... how ... ?" Words failed me as I gazed at this really beautiful, antique ring set. It was exquisite, meaningful, and quite lovely in a very familiar sort of way.

"I just knew Penni ... I just knew."