fighting the good fight

i awoke blue. as in sad, a bit depressed. because i went to sleep feeling that way. there is a lot going on, a lot that needs to be done because hey, it's the holidays, right? there is no time for sickness. no time for resting. no time to relax. because if i don't do it, it won't get done.

however, my husband has been feeling a bit overwhelmed because the part of the equation that does all the detail work (me) has been out of commission for two weeks and he has been carrying the ball at work, totally by himself.

the restaurant is not even decorated.

here's my problem - it was suggested by a dear heart that i "delegate," which i have a difficult time with but resign myself to do so because of the pressures of not being able to do things because of my situation. oh, i have plenty of offers to come help out, but then the help doesn't follow through...doesn't show up...doesn't call to say "something suddenly came up." so where does that leave me?

when i looked down the hall from my room this morning, i gazed at my "stuff" and discouragement set in. we are a busy family and when something has to go "upstairs," it is put in the hallway to deal with at a later date. we are busy, right? how long does it take to put a load of wash away? or if it is a thing that will not be used again, actually throw it out? God spoke a word to me about "the margins" -- what exactly does that mean, does anyone know? He said "you have been living in between all the clutter that lies in the margins. time to deal with the outside so we can begin deal with the inside."

pretty heavy for 4:00 a.m., Lord. did i mention there has been a lot going on lately?

so i came downstairs to take my 4 advil, say good morning to hub before he left for work and he actually gave me a bit of a pep talk because he knows i am disheartened, too. my kitchen looked afflicted, my dining room table overwrought, the laundry baskets overflowing, the mudroom spilling over with recyclables and even more laundry - all bested. wonder why i feel the way i do?

advil is my wonder drug of choice because once i was able to start moving a bit (this illness leaves one exceedingly fatigued and achy) i actually got some things accomplished. i have been pensive all morning, talking with the Lord who is seemingly silent now (He said what He needed to at 4:00) but it does not feel quite so bleak as it did when i first arose.

any further suggestions would be welcomed.