because i have too much going on in my head...

...i thought i'd take a personality test. my results are what i usually get: INFJ

it means i am sensitive. it means, according to one descriptor, i am "creative, smart, focus on fantasy more than reality, attracted to sad things, fears doing the wrong thing, observer, avoidant..."

attracted to sad things? i had never thought about it like that, but it's so very true.

"...desire to contribute to the welfare of others and genuinely enjoy helping their companions." again, true, and finally: "INFJs tend to be devoted to what they believe in and seek work where their needs, values, and ideals can be deeply engaged."

which brings me to my current job plight: my manager called yesterday and offered me full-time in OB - meaning i would stay at the same rate of pay but be guaranteed 36 hours per week and full-time benefits, including vacation and paid sick days and personal time that accumulates much more quickly. i have still not heard back from the legal department and really wonder if that is where my heart is? i know it is about the money for my family, but is it, really? my manager said "pen, i would hate to see you leave, you are so good with the patients!" and my immediate response was "because i love them!" i am a lover of people and not necessarily so business-minded, which can be exhausting in and of itself and extremely discouraging, which was why i left the legal field behind to help run the cafe.

so i accepted the offer, with the caveat that if i were made an offer that was impossible to refuse, i would talk it over with them first and then make my decision. the waiting game is difficult -- going back into a field that left me with a void and wanting to be more than an automaton (not saying it is a bad thing, being a secretary -- it supported my family for many years...) is something that keeps coming up within me -- what is it all about, the money? is that what it boils down to?

rambling now.

"INFJs readily grasp the hidden psychological stimuli behind the more observable dynamics of behavior and affect."

ending this post.