Ever read something and think, "wow, I couldn't say it better?"
From my friend Jim at Crossroads:
And if you are inclined, please pray for us. On the outside things look good, but we are in the middle of a tough climb, and rest doesn't come easy right now. Pray for wisdom, patience, and peace. I am trusting Him, but I find my faith is more infantile than childlike. And peace is elusive, it's just like hunting snipe, for those of you who understand that tradition.Well, he had me with him until the *snipe* comment, but that's okay.
I feel like I am in the middle of an uphill climb and there is simply no end in sight. It has felt this way since we closed the restaurant and even with the refinance (wherein we got no extra cushion or anything to fall back on), we are still battling uphill on an apparently slippery slope...robbing Peter to pay Paul, the finances never seem to get any better. No money to budget with if there really is no money. I know where my heart is, but I know what is best for my family and the silence of The Department is echoing in the hollows of my wallet.
Time for Plan B, whatever that is, and whatever that is, I hope it includes enough $$ to turn my phone back on. It's been over three weeks and while I am enjoying the quiet of my home, it doesn't bode well if The Department is trying to contact me (yes, they have my cell phone number, I made certain of it in my follow-up *thank you for the interview* email...)
I've been depressed; crying myself to sleep in the early of the night only to awaken in the middle of it for at least two hours at a clip. Talking to my Lord who is seemingly otherwise engaged and yes, my dear ones, I realize He is "in it with me." I know this in my heart of hearts and my faith has not faltered, but honestly, six months of this up-and-down depression is starting to wear on many facets of my life; is time to up my meds? I feel if I do, I may end up catatonic.
I am trying to press on through to the other side and know that the to top of the mountain is there; however it is a difficult thing to see and feel with swollen eyes and hiking shoes whose soles (souls?) are wearing down.