you are the company you keep

Mother Teresa, oil, masonite, 1994
Judy Jones

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(i cannot wait for this book to be released.)

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first off, i have to stop with my knee-jerk reactions about leaving the Catholic faith. while i am disappointed and a bit hurt by my confessor, i am reconciled within myself over what transpired yesterday. i know my sin, i know what drives me to do so and, as old as i am, i should know better and not give in so easily to the desires of my flesh. i have hopefully turned a corner on this *thing*, all by myself and with the help of several bloggie pals. i am also going to go the parish which is about 15/20 minutes from here that is being run by the priest who catechized me when i converted. i went a few months ago and said something to him about jumping ship where i was now that i know he is back at the helm somewhere and his response was, "we'd love to have you!" i am not quite ready to go to confession, just yet; i am still smarting a bit as one of my friends so aptly put it. i will go when i feel compelled to do so.

i was also thinking if someone like the Blessed Mother Teresa had dark moments -- okay, 40 years worth!! -- who am i to think that i should be without same? (editor's note: i am not comparing myself to Mother Teresa, please don't misunderstand what i mean here. thanks.)

i just read a quote in another book i am reading which is really, really incredible called Sacred Marriage (which is also another blog post for another time....):

I would not consider any spirituality worthwhile that wants to walk in sweetness and ease and run from the imitation of Christ. ~ John Climacus

walking in this with wading through this junk this past weekend and in actuality, these past months to a year, has not been an easy jaunt. however, i have an amazing support system here that helps me lift my arms in prayer when i am weak and wearied, and incredible examples of the faith like the Blessed Mother Teresa and other such saints that show their particular walk, while seemingly done with effortless grace, was also filled with dark nights and angst and anguish along the way. i don't know what would ever make me elevate these holy people in my mind's eye, but i suspect i am not the only one.

i am also glad i am in good company.