continuation of alcohol discussion

so lately, i've been feeling convicted over the amount of alcohol i have been consuming, even though by the standards of most i know, i am nowhere near in trouble. why am i telling you this, here? because most of you don't *know* me and i found the site linked above to be of particular interest.

maybe i am not as standard as one thinks and don't fit the basic mold. my major points of issue are how i look forward to 5:00 p.m. so i can pour myself a glass of merlot (or whatever else it is i bought) and i am finding i am finishing off the bottles with little or no help and the bottles are seemingly much smaller than they used to be. and then i begin looking for more. shit, i love my wine. i've been spending at least $45+/week at the liquor stores and i am starting to go to different ones so the clerks don't recognize me. that's pretty effing pathetic.

however, i find myself doing screening tests and my result was: 4-9 points: High risk for problem drinking. Addiction to alcohol is likely. Contact your doctor for help.

and this article presented me with beginning stages. just for kicks, i thought i'd highlight what i am going through at this time:

The Early Or Adaptive Stage Of Alcoholism

In the early stage of alcoholism a person starts drinking alcohol just to change his or her mood, to get relief from some type of problem. The person affected along with friends and family members are not aware that they are in the early stage of alcoholism. Their eagerness for alcohol continues to increase, which means they have to increase the amount of alcohol consumption to achieve the desired type of mood. In early stages of alcoholism the body begins to adapt itself to the increased amount of alcohol. At this stage of alcoholism, the body does not loose its' controls, which means the person can still walk in a straight line without loosing their controls from the body but if they continue to drink alcohol the level in their body starts increasing.

well, now.

this didn't help, either, gleaned from another About article but also found here: Many have major depression...and anxiety problems.

or this:
did i mention it runs in my family? genetics are not my friend in this, either. and with all this posting about absinthe, it may be time to stop talking to my friends and family as to what the *standards* of anything are, and look a little deeper within.

or go without.


Hope said...

If you don't deal with why you are drinking in the first place simply quitting will not fix a me I quit for 18 years and didn't face my demons....18 years of a dry drunk is worse than 18 years of a real one because a person thinks, "hey, I'm not drinking, so there's no problem". And I found other addictions to cope (as you know.)When I think back my other addictions started before the alcohol. Which is why alcohol is so scary for me. If I dive into the other addictions booze will eventually call my name because of how much shame I feel about the other ones and I'll need something to numb the shame. Which only starts the cycle all over again. Sigh.

Facing the pain is the hardest thing. But you don't face it alone. There are people out there to help you through it. Be as compassionate towards yourself as possible while being as honest with yourself as possible.
Hugs to you my friend.

beth said...

Hugs, and agreeing with Hope. Don't play games with yourself with research and standards and thinking you can just stop and all will be well. Something is itching; pain doesn't go away. We bury it, or we pick off the scab and invite healing.

You are in SUCH a good place, girl - growing in honesty and vulnerability with Jesus, peeking at the truth of who you are, hearing Him whisper encouragement to lean into HIS strength...don't just clean it up and make it look pretty.

And how the heck can you spend $45 a week at the liquor store anyway? Aren't you the girl who was whipping her finances into shape? Give that money to Jesus, or to World Vision, or buy carrots or something....

Rooting and cheering for you and the One who made you and is calling you to be more than you can possibly imagine...

much love ~