we all have today.

Originally uploaded by sandyflash
the picture depicts where AA meetings first began at Bill Wilson's house in Brooklyn.

three weeks ago tonight i took my last drink. with God's help it will be my last one; were it left up to me, i'd have fallen off the wagon the last two friday nights, but i haven't and i attribute not having done so to my God who loves me, apparently.

while i went to my first meeting not knowing what to expect, save for my preconceived notion of "my name is Bill and i'm an alcoholic," and the response of "Hi, Bill!" i had no idea what would go on, or if i'd be back.

i've been back every day for the last two weeks and believe the only day i will miss will be Christmas day, but i will do some reading and phone my sponsor (who i think is my sponsor now; am not sure).

these meetings have become a very important time of my day and while some of them haven't been the most comfortable to sit through, there is junk in me that needs to be purged and even if i've not spoken to more than a handful of people in the last two weeks, i feel like i am starting to reconcile myself with my feelings.

alcoholics have feelings, too.

so where the rooms were at first intimidating to me, i now look forward to going because they feel *safe*. it is safe to hang out with other people who think just like me. so i go, i sit, i listen. and feel. and clap. and have tears spring to my eyes. and pray with these people who are just as twisted and messed up in their heads as i am.

i may not have all of it figured out, but as i am about to go upstairs and meet my pillow, i am grateful. i am grateful because today, i did not pick up a drink. i did have the desire, but i asked God to distract me from it and do with it what He willed. and it worked.

for today.

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