i am noticing a withdrawing of friends. i have friends i have met online and haven't heard from them nearly as regularly as i did when i was *party girl*. hmm. interesting stuff, that. i have a friend who is a sommelier at a schmancy restaurant who i met at the liquor store and we became friends thereafter, but am wondering how long this relationship will really last as we no longer have the *big common thread* that wove through each of our tapestries at one time. have only the "i love him, he is my friend" thread. no more wine at the dinner table. will be interesting to see where this leads.
change is good, or so we are told. i sit in these meetings and simply listen. i chat a bit with the person next to me if there is a break, but for the most part, i listen. their stories are staggering and i try to suppress facial expressions other than the one of compassion and a listening ear. i sit and bend my will not to compare myself to these others -- it is apparent there are varying degrees of this illness and while i may not have climaxed with mine, i feel like i pulled out just in time. (forgive the metaphors...)
so there are levels of dis-ease just as there are levels of friendships. it is now i will find out just how deep or committed my friendships are, but surprisingly, i am not sad about it. in fact, i will probably feel, in the end, that i discovered such things before anything disastrous came about that could affect me for a lifetime. a sort of birth (death?) control.
(it was good to pull out.)