thoughts on balance

"A mental obsession is one thought that overrides all other thoughts..." --Mike, AA

"...that is based on a lie." --Michael, AA (following up Mike's thoughts)

one thought that overrides all others and is based on a lie. that is probably one of the best explanations i have ever heard.

what i as an addict have a difficult time in achieving (among other things) is balance. moderation. being even-keeled regardless of what it is i am doing. one of my precious commenters mentioned i should be careful and not let AA become my new addiction and she is 1000% correct in saying that. i have heard in the rooms where others initially allowed "the rooms" to be their higher power, meaning the collective energy from all the sobriety talking being something they could put their stock in until they came to terms with their Higher Power as they understood It. i am good there because i gave my life to Jesus when i was 13. reason i am in AA now is because i continuously took it back from Him because i could do a much better job with it.

how do you achieve balance? harmony? i have always had difficulty in doing that -- it's all or nothing. i can jack it up and shut it down within a blink, except for those things which give me a greater high. i can blink all i want, it is the shutting down that becomes nearly impossible.

so i keep things before God. i thank Him in the morning for the previous day's sobriety, ask for His help in all i do before i rise from my sleep, and consult Him all day regarding just about everything (save for those times when i am driving and someone is going to slowly in front of me. then i forget.) i want balance in my life. i want to be at peace sitting still. i want my compulsive urges to be taken from me, the obsessions swirling around in my head to be at ease. i want to continue moving forward in recovery. i want that.

i pray for that.

and with that, off the computer with me. have a cool morning, all.

(oh, did you think i wouldn't be back to check my comments later?? ha!! i am in repair, remember?)

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