i have pretty much jumped from one step to the next by facing my attic. we all have skeletons in our closets, but my closet wasn't big enough so i used the attic. weeks, months, and years' worth of *stuff* that was too big to sweep under a rug is now piled in the attic (and a spare bedroom). this is my space for my wreckage and it is both startling and humbling when i dry my eyes and really take a good, long look at what had accumulated over the past 8 years. be in the moment. deal.

i was told two meetings ago to simply "breathe." basically had a sob session there, but that is what home groups are for, so they can get to know you, scars and all. and what they did for me, in return for my tears and tattered tissues, was hug me, and say "what can i do to help?" like actual, "show up at your house and cull through your massive amount of paperwork and find your shit" kind of help.

best church i have ever belonged to.


what i am now doing is looking for is all of my bank statements from last year. not a tough task since i really didn't download them as i should have. now i have to pay $5/pop for each one i need. that's okay, am not going to beat myself into a pulp over that.

my former payroll girl is still the peach i remember her being and she faxed me my quarterly statement for payroll taxes and monies paid. God bless colleen, my payroll girl.

my hard drive is, i believe the proper word for it, "toast." my accountant said "bring it in anyway - we'll see what we can do about it." God bless nick, my accountant.

we went to a settlement to refinance our house. we paid a ton of restaurant bills out of the proceeds of that refi, and when everyone said we were "stupid" for doing that -- all businesses lose money because of other businesses going out of business -- we felt it necessary because some of our purveyors are small business guys, too. my husband reminded me of the thousands we paid from the proceeds that can probably be added up on our tax return as a further loss. God bless jimbo, my hub.

so in the midst of a tough time, i am seeing my blessings. they are there, as are you, who are always here for me at a time when i need you most.

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