couple of stories from my "i'm-no-longer-drunk-a-log" - or notes from the field.
last week, i came into a tiny bit of money. i say *tiny* because it is already gone, but no worries. with the "extra," i took my family out to dinner - two teens since oldest is married and out of the house, with the husband in tow. they chose Outback Steakhouse,which is fine but as luck would have it, the only seat available was next to the bar. right next to it.
i was cool though, because i was in a good place and said "God, you have more control than i do. help me not want a drink," which was a bit tough since i was front and center when cold whatevers were placed on the bar in front of patrons.
i simply averted my eyes.
then my husband ordered a 16 ounce Yeungling Lager. hard to avert your eyes from that which is placed within an arm's reach. oh, and isn't that funny, how the frosty glass is so frosty it slides across the table to less than an arm's reach from me? where are those damned coasters when you need one?
still doing well, staying strong. thank you, God.
the teens are sort of talking. well, the female one is sulking because she is 14-almost-15 and hungry, which could also be a lethal combination with my practice of severe mortification of drinking diet coke with fresh lime. muddled through and when our apps came, my husband saw me "glance" at his sliding beer and said "oh, are you ok? i mean, we are right next to the bar!!"
my response, while not very mature, was appropriate: "fuck the bar!! you are drinking a beer!!" he didn't say anything and instead of me sulking and playing the victim, i said "ok God -- you can have this too," and my mood was restored while talking to my teens who were now actually getting along because food stuffs were getting into my daughter and i was actually okay with it the whole scenario.
just for that moment, because i don't know what will happen the next time a moment arrives, i chose to respond with my opinion and then let it go. breathe in, breathe out, let it go. i had a wonderful night with my family which could have turned on a moment. it really can be all about my response -- do i choose to make an issue out of the fact that my husband is NOT an alcoholic (albeit an insensitive one at that) or do i choose to enjoy a meal with my family? i chose the higher avenue. chances are good i may choose the same because the more i opt for a more peaceful way, the more it may actually become a habit.
i need good habits.
one more and i'm off to my morning meeting - we had a benefit for my friend billy yesterday, the one who was diagnosed with a Stage IV Glioblastoma. it was amazing -- held at a yacht club, well-attended, incredible food, great raffles and chinese auction. i was one of the greeters/ticket sellers at the door and it was a wonderful event - held at a yacht club, overlooking the bay. billy held up really well and is humility in action for me. he has an amazing amount of strength, courage, and determination. every time he shares at a meeting, i am blown away by his words. he is an incredible man to know.
there was an open bar, which was fine for me because i was surrounded by so many AA's there was no possible way i would have even dared pick up a drink. there were, however, others making frequent trips to the bar. it was amusing, actually, to watch this one girl in particular who was getting louder and, apparently, funnier by the moment. bump into walls, bump into people. i can only say that i woke up with my alarm clock this morning at 5:45 a.m. with no trouble at all. i am uncertain whether she will be able to rise from her bed with any ease. my guess would be "no," but who am i to say? there, but for the grace of God, go i.
i think i'm "getting" it.