i am not a sponsor yet but hope to be one some day. i have much to learn, even if i think i am *getting it*.

there is the one girl who, when she came back from rehab, asked me to sponsor her. she texted me from the airport to go to a meeting with her that night and when we went to the meeting, asked me again. i said i'd be happy to help her start the steps, to go over them after my sponsor has gone over them with me, but there would be no need to officially call me "sponsor." with that comes great responsibility -- i am responsible to be there for her, but i want to give away what i got and what i got ain't all that much (yet).

at the break at this meeting we attended last tuesday, she asked me to go outside with her and she confessed she drank at the airport while she was awaiting her flight. and then drank on the plane. as far as i know, up until yesterday when i didn't hear from her at all, she has been clean and sober. she is good with the text-messages and phone calls -- i asked her to check in with me daily because she needs a level of accountability.

i heard nothing from her yesterday. she didn't respond to two text messages i sent her, so i called and the voice mail message came on right away. i said "i've been checking in on you and haven't heard from you all day. the next phone call will be coming from you -- you know where to find me -- be well" and hung up.

i am thinking she isn't "done" yet. i am thinking that i can't "make" anyone stop drinking if they keep picking up. i am wondering if i am doing the next right thing by her.

i recognize everybody's level of pain is different, everyone's bottom is different. i can't "make" anyone remain sober, the same as nobody can "make" me not pick up my drug of choice (tntc in one post). i understand how cunning, baffling, powerful the draw can be. i am all about the allure and recognize things in her that i see in myself. you can't make someone "get it."

one of the women i know from my morning meetings who i only have the pleasure of getting to know on the weekends (it's a shore town, there are lots of them!) had her step son pick up his last drink on saturday. he is 30 years old and now dead. this disease is no joke and can kill you. it has killed people i knew and loved, it takes the lives of the children of new friends. no shit when they suggest you never "pick up that first, fatal drink." it sounds dramatic at times, but there is no drama in attending funerals.

so what now? i just leave her be and go to my meetings so i can have another day of sobriety. that, and i am open to feedback.

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