he wants my life

i am a frequent watcher of the show Intervention - it is the only reality television show i watch and i have to say it is quite compelling, especially for someone in recovery.

i watched a show this weekend about Trent, who was a culinary-trained chef who ended up being addicted to heroin. i am not saying one addiction is worse than another, but there is something really, really tragic about heroin addicts/iv drug users. they tend to break my heart. this guy did just that. at one point he was talking to the camera and said what he really wanted for his life: to work in a restaurant as a chef, listen to music, have books on the book shelves, be happy with his girlfriend.

in essence, he wants what i essentially have.

it gave me pause. i have pretty much all the books i want, all the music i want to listen to is either on the computer or i have it on cd. i have a man that loves me, a home to live in, heat and hot water. i had the restaurant, so i could at least try to talk him out of that! while i have been in transition over the past few months and tend to focus mostly (here at least) on what is bothering me, i can honestly say for today, i am facing my demons head-on and working not only the steps in AA but will begin attending meetings at another recovery program this evening.

i am most certainly "in repair."

we usually do not choose our messengers. in watching a simple television program, it was very clear to me that i have many things in my life i am blessed by. there was a time if i recognized that someone wanted my life, i would have gladly handed it over to them. for today, however, i am holding it tightly inside me, not willing to give any of it up because i truly am blessed.

and i am realizing this, one day at a time.

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