quinn d. corte

[i would usually post this on my "in repair" blog where i blog more frequently than here , but think every now and again, i will open up here and let you know *where i am*]

Main entry

in·spi·ra·tion Listen to the pronunciation of inspiration
\ˌin(t)-spə-ˈrā-shən, -(ˌ)spi-\
14th century
1 a: a divine influence or action on a person believed to qualify him or her to receive and communicate sacred revelation

i am a lover of God, but have found lately that my addict-self has elbowed her way forward and pushed many other things aside, God included.

i am now an active member of Alcoholics Anonymous -- and my rock bottom is very different from your rock bottom, i can assure you. i was one of those folks who "stopped in time." i probably had another 10-15 years of good, heavy drinking ahead of me, but had an instance one evening that was pretty wretched on a my wretchedness scale and awoke the next morning thinking, "that was hellacious!" and God responded with "you are never to drink again."

yes, it was God because penni would never have allowed that thought to cross her mind. this "word" was so powerful, so strong, all of the willfulness i have within me could not be summoned to push it aside. so i simply obeyed.

i have been a frequent attender of AA meetings since then. some days, when this "i am not really an alcoholic" has a particularly bad day, i attend two. who knew? to me, if i am not an alcoholic, the thought of never drinking a glass of wine again would never even be a blip on my radar. it has not only been a blip, my dear readers, it has at times escalated to a terror alert orange. i now know i am where i am supposed to be.

b: the action or power of moving the intellect or emotions
one of the things that can happen once you lay the drink aside, however, is you can pick up on something else, or another stronghold can inch its way forward and take center stage. i have too many of those to enumerate in one blog post; however, in the wee smalls this morning, God and i had a little chat.

i am to release e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g to Him. everything. the eating (which i am truly a carb-o-holic and my life becomes incredibly unmanageable at the first ingestion of a, let's say, york peppermint pattie). the unusual attachments to people-places-things. the lack of prayer. the lack of bible study. the lack of interest in those things which truly should concern me. what now? do i apply the principals of the 12-step program i almost know by heart?

c: the act of influencing or suggesting opinions

first things first -- ask God to enter in. before my thoughts wander somewhere else, ask Him to direct my thoughts, clamp my mouth when necessary, think about those things which are noble, pure, and just. He suggests i help someone other than myself. turn things over to Him. perhaps attend one less meeting a week and in its place, insert a good bible study. go to the gym, put down the brownie. read more blogs. engage more with people and isolate less. take a walk. vacuum the house. open the windows and let in the air.

2: the act of drawing in; specifically : the drawing of air into the lungs

as much as i think i have it all together, i do not. i can admit i have shortcomings and get caught up in my head and take my thoughts for the drive of their lives! however, i was reminded once again in the wee small hours this morning, i had but one thing to do today and that, most importantly, was to b r e a t h e .

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