i have been working closely with my AA sponsor and this past friday night, did my 5th step. since then, while there are more "exact natures of my wrongs" i will share with her, i believe God's grace is sufficient and He will make things perfect through my weakness. remarkably, and not coincidentally since that night, i have been "closing up shop" with several "drugs of choice" and have been praying for the willingness to want to let go of all of my addictions (one particular addiction i cannot accurately describe here, but it is the one that is probably the most cunning, baffling and incredibly powerful).
however, the light of the Spirit is pouring through the clouds and illuminating things in such a way that i simply cannot continue in my behavior and expect to receive the benefits of a connectedness with my God. for today, i desire that connectedness above all else.
my sponsor suggested i read " " from the AA's . for those who may not have this book, it was short enough so i thought i'd post it here. i also felt some of my friends here may be able to take something away from it since i have the feeling we meet at very similar wounds.
We know that God lovingly watches over us. We know that when we turn to Him, all will be well with us, here and hereafter. - 12 steps and 12 traditions, p. 105
I pray for the willingness to remember that I am a child of God, a divine soul in human form, and that my most basic and urgent life-task is to accept, know, love and nurture myself. As I accept myself, I am accepting God's will. As I know and love myself, I am knowing and loving God. As I nurture myself, I am acting on God's guidance.
I pray for the willingness to let go of my arrogant self-criticism, and to praise God by humbly accepting and caring for myself.