one minute at a time

Breathe It In -
NL Jackson

the hospital stay was a challenge on every level. on the day of molly's surgery, i had a group i texted updates to throughout the day - 45+ in my group - and was awash in return text messages of good wishes and prayers and scripture verses and hope. i had taken knitting and various books to read to while away the time. i didn't need much other than my iPod and Jeff Buckley and knitting to get me through to the other side of her surgery, which ended at 5:00 p.m.

seeing her in the recovery room just about undid all of the good that built me up the entire day. in retrospect, i believe it was purposed to build up my structure for when i saw her initially....when she was in extreme pain and it was more than i thought i could bear when i saw her, heard her tearful pleas of "my back hurrrts...." i know it was the anesthesia withdrawal (which is horrific, to say the least), the morphine being given through the i.v. and, of course, the fact she was in extreme pain.

i suddenly drew on everything anyone ever told me to get through the moment: breathe in/breathe out...just do the thing in front of you...she won't remember any of this (she doesn't)...the pain will be under control (it eventually was)...breathe.

thank God i could breathe.

the days following have been really a bit of a whirlwind. yesterday i went to my morning homegroup (set my alarm and woke up after 2 1/2 hours of sleep) and shared how the program has taught me to take things one day at a time and if i can't do that, one hour/one moment at a time. i used that with molly - to not worry about things that are supposed to happen the following day (like physical therapy) and to help her get through the moments when pain medication was still but an hour away (like yesterday). i see God's grace as being all over us at this time because even though it is beyond words to describe the difficulties we have faced, there has been a lot of laughter, compassion, caring moments, nurturing time spent with my daughter who has become a young lady yet needs her mama. while the moments in between times have been very surrealistic, they were held up to a whiter light and examined by an all-knowing God who was able to give me the grace my daughter and i needed at the time we truly needed it most.

my week with her is about to draw to a close and my husband will take the reins on monday, as well as the teachers who will be stopping in to help her with the homebound instruction. i am not finished taking care of her needs by any stretch of the imagination, but i have really learned what being selfless and totally caring for the needs of another truly means, one on one, for the last 9 days. it has been a difficult time, a challenging time, but one i will never forget and one that i am truly grateful to be sober through.

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