(molly, part 2) or too much, too soon

molly started school on monday.  "all in."  whole day.  exhausted but totally thrilled to have been there.

then the pain settled in.  difficulty sleeping.  "mama can you come stay with me?"

[of course.]

the next day, tuesday, she went in for 1/2 a day.  came home and proceeded to sleep 4 hours straight.  pain has been from a constant throbbing in her hips (where her lumbar spine is continuing to straighten out) to her shoulders (from walking the hard cement floors of the high school, sitting in stiff chairs even with the pillow), from being upright.

today, i called her out sick from school and put a call into her surgeon because her pain level seems to be a bit too much for someone who is 5 weeks out from having had the surgery.

i know every person handles pain differently.  i also know when someone is manipulating a situation to get medication (trust me...i know...)  she is typically a stoic when it comes to pain.  i also know that she whimpered herself to sleep last night and the tylenol is not touching her pain.  the doctor said for her to rest for the balance of today, not overdo it tomorrow and reordered her narcotic to be refilled and fedexed to us by priority overnight.

she was anxious to get back to school.  i told her guidance counsellor monday we won't know until next week exactly what she is going to be up to doing.  we found out much sooner than that everything seemed to be too much.  next week, we have decided, she will return for 1/2 days and take it from there.

she is anxious to get to her "normal."  tonight at dinner, she was showing her girlfriend her school picture and being witty, saying "see alicia?  this was taken when i was crooked, but happy.  see how my shoulder is way up there?  yeah, it looked bad, but it didn't hurt and i was happy.  i was happy until my mom made that phone call saying the nurse thinks i have scoliosis, and now i am no longer happy...."  and on it went. 

oh, yeah.  funny stuff.  i reminded her that she is 15 and if she was happy when that picture was taken, it was a captured moment in time because all i can recall even prior to surgery was teenage-angst and a mother-daughter relationship that was totally lacking.

it is difficult to remind someone there was a greater good served in doing this surgery now as opposed to when she is an adult and her life enjoyment would be greatly diminished because the curve of her spine may eventually impair lung function and cause a great deal of pain.  one of my friends commented that she should see a therapist...for the record, we went last monday to my therapist and while she was warm and wonderful and suggested yoga positions that would take pressure off her back, there is a certain level of willingness that needs to be exhibited by my 15 year old, recovering-from-surgery daughter and it was most certainly not present that evening.

[i pray, eventually.]

[don't want to have her do too much, too soon...]