looking inward

From my daily meditation -- Edna Hong, p 19 if you have the book I referenced on Wednesday...
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"Did you ever look inside yourself and see what you are not?"  (Flannery O'Connor)

Thus begins the powerful meditation about our looking inward, lacking the ability to spot our own spiritual deformities, but how the deformities of others is oftentimes so easy to see.

I am guilty of this on a few levels. I strive to be non-judgmental and for the most part, do pretty well in not being so. But I can pre-judge situations out of fear or the experience of others, and suddenly, I've got it all figured out and when the event comes to pass, am sometimes wrong. Not everything I fret over will meet my (negative) expectations, thank you God!

Yesterday was a case in point.

After speaking with my sponsor and praying pretty fervently throughout my day, I visited with my friend and it was actually pretty nice. Instead of approaching the situation in fear and trembling, I switched my inward motives and went into our get-together with a spirit of the restoration of our friendship. I wanted to avail myself to be a good listener and keep my heart open to what she had to say. Changed my heart, kept me open and warm, and it went ok. (Thank you God!)

My motives, my thoughts, my intents, my responses - these are things I have control over, with God's help. Looking inwardly can sometimes be painful and it is ofttimes "much more comfortable to stay on the level of plain and ordinary, to go on being plain and ordinary."

Quite honestly, I am comfy with plain and ordinary. But God is seemingly moving me away from my comfort zone and presenting me with challenges that will enable me to be open to His grace.