i wish i could be more open and transparent on my blog. i know too many people now, i've started up (and stopped) other blogs that were not connected to mine, but still think i'd be "found" out. i have been going through the biggest challenge of my life, medication issues aside, and i really need some place to vent about it openly.
[this is the internet. ]
i have no idea who would read, comment, find things out ... judge, convict, sentence. (God alone will judge me, tyvm.)
i listened to my friend heidi's talk on splitting one's self wide open -- so wonderful, so poignant and pointed right at my heart, like a sword. maybe instead of lamenting about how i can't speak (too) honestly here, i'll just go give it a listen again...
suggestions on transparency welcomed. remember, gentle readers, that i already have a psychiatrist and a few good men (priests) that i chat to, a sponsor, and good internet buds who i have lost touch with but know would be there for me in a heartbeat.
[i know, what else do i need?]
i don't know -- maybe really honest feedback. maybe affirmation that i am beloved of God, regardless of my actions. i speak with Him daily about things...write to him in my journals...read what He has to say in His word...
[always playing hide and seek. i am always seeking and when He wants to find me, i hide.]
so because i can't be fully, 100% unequivocally honest about my truth here, i feel thwarted. is it any wonder i'm in therapy? or maybe it's because i've not been clear to myself for so long.
maybe instead of more transparency, i can be more stained glass in nature -- i am assuming that even the most broken pieces that are colorful can turn into a lovely mosaic.