what do you see in this picture

if anything?

look at it....obviously, a hospital food tray.  specimen cup at the side, plastic fork and spoon, no knife.

no porcelain of any kind.  all throw-away.

what do you not see?

no electrical outlets in the room.  "safety" door knob, no spigots for the faucet.  nothing that can be broken off or torn away - even the curtains were soddered into their fixture.

the other missing object is my son, who has been seeing a therapist for a couple of months now and has been put on meds to help with the voices in his head.  night before last, his friend told him she didn't want to get serious, that they were in different places, that she had a great week and felt bad because he didn't and she couldn't bear that burden.

i am not going to get into an analysis/projection of my thoughts on any of that, because sometimes it takes a cataclysmic event (or two) to bring to the forefront something that is simmering below the surface.

he wanted to take his life.  he woke me at 2am and told me what happened with his friend and then for the next several hours, neither of us slept much.  i went to my morning meeting and received a text from him, asking to call when i get a chance.  he told me of his plan to gather up any and all medication we had in the house and ingest it, because he simply didn't want to feel any more.

we spent the next several hours in the psychiatric ER at AtlantiCare in Atlantic City.  very professional, we met with doctors and screeners and they decided the boy with the broken heart could be discharged and cautioned that i "should keep an eye on him."

both eyes.

what a day.   

day 1 over, day 2 in existence and he's up and playing a video game.  already, that's an improvement.

(that's the short of it...more later.  i just had to get that out.  if you are interested, he is actually writing about it himself...)

17 comments:

caedmon said...

Praying with you, dear friend, as you prayed with me during difficult and dark times of my own.

~m2~ said...

thank you, dear caedmon.

i have more to write, but wanted to get it out there so maybe some folks would start praying for my boy. i don't know if you remember, i went through this before with another one of my children, who is doing very well now.

i do realize that with God, all things are possible.

ben said...

my thoughts and prayers are with you and your son.

he is blessed to have a mom and wonderful advocate like you. i am sure this is very hard, how much so, only someone who has gone through this would know. i will keep praying for both of you.

early recovery is harb, but, the rewards of continuing to walk that path are beyond measure!!!!!!!

. said...

Why not to talk with a priest to give him a blessing? Why not an exorcist? I hope you will not be mad with me but the enemy does that kind of things. Maybe a priest is the better way.
Pray to St. Michael and the Queen of Angels. Also the Angels Chapelet.

NC Sue said...

I've gone through something similar with my sister and know how gut-wrenching it is to watch someone you love experience this. I know what it's like to be unable to rest, not knowing if they really will carry out the threat. I will pray for him and for the rest of you.

Ave said...

I am keeping you, your son and all of your family in my prayers.

The Ironic Catholic said...

Prayers for your both tonight.

Thank goodness your son can talk to you.

Erin Wilson said...

Praying over here, P.
So much on your plate, luv.

Moonshadow said...

wow, p. sorry. take good care of him. praying for yous both.

Owen said...

still here
. . .

Steve F. said...

Coming back, late to the vigil as usual. Going to check on his own blog, wanted you to know you and he pole-vaulted to the top of my prayer list. from our lips to God's ear, hopefully...

Be strong, hang on. Both of you, please.

Daisy said...

Praying here, Pen.

Mich

spiritualingenue said...

Oh Pen Pen Pen...

Wow. I'm soo thankful that God gave you strength enough to guide your son's faltering steps. This is so very close to my heart because of spending time the very same kind of hospital, and because of losing my brother.

You have given him a powerful gift and I'm praying so hard for you as you all walk this winding road. Your words reminded me of when I was there and getting checked in. They took everything away from me to ensure my safety. My husband had brought me my little orange bible; a cute one with a trendy little buckle like you'd find on a belt. They made me take the buckle off of my bible... I don't know why, exactly, but removing it felt very poignant in those chaotic moments.

Stay strong in Christ my dear friend. Sending love and massive HOPE your way.

xoxo,
jan

spiritualingenue said...

Oh Pen Pen Pen...

Wow. I'm soo thankful that God gave you strength enough to guide your son's faltering steps. This is so very close to my heart because of spending time the very same kind of hospital, and because of losing my brother.

You have given him a powerful gift and I'm praying so hard for you as you all walk this winding road. Your words reminded me of when I was there and getting checked in. They took everything away from me to ensure my safety. My husband had brought me my little orange bible; a cute one with a trendy little buckle like you'd find on a belt. They made me take the buckle off of my bible... I don't know why, exactly, but removing it felt very poignant in those chaotic moments.

Stay strong in Christ my dear friend. Sending love and massive HOPE your way.

xoxo,
jan

Amy Giglio said...

I read this a while ago, but in answer to the question posed by the title, I see God in this picture. Went through this with my brother. Not easy. I'm here. So's He.

Texaco said...

So what's happening sweetie? You haven't checked in in over a month and I don't have your phone number anymore otherwise I'd call and find out.

Archduchess Maria Carollton said...

May God bless and keep your precious child.

Jesus is near the broken hearted.

I am so glad you son has YOU, and that he feels comfortable enough to share his heart with you.

May God Himself mend that broken heart, and make it lasting and beautiful for His sake.