o, holy night

[...the stars are brightly shining.]

i can fall asleep, i just can't stay asleep.

it's Christmas morning - 3:48 a.m. to be exact.  my mom died one week ago today and these past 7 days, i have gone through the motions and felt every emotion known to man.

i'll be having a decent line of thinking, and suddenly, it all floods in:  "i'll have a dollar cheeseburger, small onion ring, (did mom really die?) and a diet coke."

i am going to assume it is part of the normal when it comes to the grieving process.

[long lay the world, in sin and error pining]

people either want to be present to me or are all confessional because they haven't reached out for me as they don't know what to say.  honestly, most times, i am letting the phone ring until voice mail picks and i return calls if you are a verizon customer by hitting "reply" - at&t user?  outta luck.  sorry.  i'm doing the best that i can.

mom's services are tuesday.  i am bringing home pictures from my brother's today to go through  in preparation.  i also need to pen something so i can share at the prayer service.  or maybe i'll just speak from my heart?

[fall on your knees.  o hear, the angels' voices!!]

i haven't written, it's all welled up in my heart.  i do want to share, however, that i spent the night at the hospital friday night, her last night on earth, so when i awoke in the middle of the night (like i did this morning), i could sit at her bedside, talk to her and pray.  it was a very special time for me, sacred time.  i am blessed and i thank God i had the opportunity to be with her.

[o night divine.]

6 comments:

annie said...

Penni, I am so glad you were able to have that sacred time to be with your mom. My heart and prayers are with you this morning and through this season.

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

God be with you and your family. My prayers are with you, I'm grateful that you shared the beauty of your experience with your mom.

Texaco said...

sweet pea. I'm so sorry for your loss. You are always in my prayers -but most especially now.

Love you.

Erin Wilson said...

Hope you're hanging in, luv. Thinking of you... xo

angelmeg said...

email me or send me a message on Facebook because I want to mail you a book that will help with the mourning process.

I have extra copies. I buy them so that I can give them away because it is the best book I have ever read on grieving.

Love and hugz and I am right there with you; seven months since mom died and still working through it.

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